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Florida, just because you're shaped like some combination of a gun and a d*ck doesn't mean you have to act that way.
John Oliver
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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
Shaped
Combination
Gun
Doesn
Mean
Way
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Florida
More quotes by John Oliver
I think it might honestly be time for the Sunshine State to officially change its motto to the Worst State.
John Oliver
I think being an outsider in general always helps you in comedy. I think it helps to have an outsider's eye. And so I have an outsider's voice. You know, as soon as I start talking, I don't belong here. And I think that helps in a way.
John Oliver
I do not want to leave in [U.S.] ... I cannot make that clear enough to immigration authorities who may be listening to this interview. I don't want to leave, so please don't make me.
John Oliver
A Southern accent is not a club in my bag.
John Oliver
Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being.
John Oliver
Teenagers falling off skateboards - funny. Nut shots - funny. Breaking wind - funny. The world cannot change those. Those three things are columns upon which humor is built.
John Oliver
Stand-up comedy seems like a terrifying thing. Objectively. Before anyone has done it, it seems like one of the most frightening things you could conceive, and there's just no shortcut - you just have to do it.
John Oliver
The poverty line is like the age of consent: if you find yourself parsing exactly where it is, you’ve probably already done something very, very wrong.
John Oliver
Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back.
John Oliver
When I heard that Hitler had problems with flatulence, it's funny. What - does that make him a funny man? No. It means he had funny moments when his rear end was speaking louder than his mouth.
John Oliver
My family are from Liverpool, so I have some twang there - I have a Midlands accent, and I was raised about an hour north of London, so my voice is a mess. Although, to American ears, it sounds like the crisp language of a queen's butler.
John Oliver
I feel non-stop Brit shame!
John Oliver
There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I don't have any dignity left to lose. An audience can’t hurt you anymore when you’ve been completely dismantled.
John Oliver
Everybody should care about facts. That is something all of us should agree on.
John Oliver
Armando Iannucci is one of my heroes. As I was growing up, he was probably the most influential comic voice that I had.
John Oliver
You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job.
John Oliver
If you vote for Democrats, you might as well give Al Quaeda a death ray and a manual.
John Oliver
Veterans' issues are quite close to my heart. I find it quite hard to talk about, actually.
John Oliver
It's pretty physically unsettling, living life on a visa.
John Oliver
Drug companies are a bit like high school boyfriends - they're much more concerned with getting inside you than being effective once they're in there.
John Oliver
