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Anybody who claims to be excited for April Fools' Day is probably a sociopath.
John Oliver
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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
Sociopath
April
Fools
Claims
Excited
Anybody
Fool
Probably
More quotes by John Oliver
Everybody should care about facts. That is something all of us should agree on.
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I feel non-stop Brit shame!
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Wow. Losing 95 percent of your audience in just five years. That basically makes Obama the NBC of presidents.
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I've made so many people angry that they kind of blur into one unpleasant memory of people staring at you with somewhere between passive aggression and active aggression.
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Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing.
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I care about facts the way I care about oxygen and imbibing enough water a day to live.
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When I heard that Hitler had problems with flatulence, it's funny. What - does that make him a funny man? No. It means he had funny moments when his rear end was speaking louder than his mouth.
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Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says 'I don't give a royal s**t.'
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Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back.
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I don't think I'm identified as the anchorman, I think I'm identified as the impostor anchorman - there's a very clear line there ... I don't think it changes the way they respond.
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Stand-up comedy seems like a terrifying thing. Objectively. Before anyone has done it, it seems like one of the most frightening things you could conceive, and there's just no shortcut - you just have to do it.
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It's exciting to have a role in anything that's Claymation, just because you're always intrigued by what a clay wizard version of yourself would be.
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Americans just don't understand dry wit.
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I would hate to meet myself at 15.
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Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being.
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Pumpkin spice lattes are egg nog for morning people.
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Every empire has to get sucked down the drain. As a British person, I know how it feels.
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I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behavior.
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Iran is the middle child of the Axis of Evil. Iraq is the oldest child and gets the lion's share of the attention, and North Korea is the crazy baby.
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In improv, the whole thing is that it is a relationship between the two people, as a back and forth. In standup, you don't really want to be listening to what somebody is saying you want to project your jokes into their face.
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