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If you’re asking me, would I have voted for Mitt Romney, the answer is absolutely not. Emphatically not. I cannot envision a world in which I would have voted for Mitt Romney unless I sustained a massive concussion.

John Oliver

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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
World
Massive
Concussion
Absolutely
Concussions
Asking
Emphatically
Answer
Envision
Unless
Mitt
Answers
Sustained
Cannot
Voted
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Romney

More quotes by John Oliver

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My family are from Liverpool, so I have some twang there - I have a Midlands accent, and I was raised about an hour north of London, so my voice is a mess. Although, to American ears, it sounds like the crisp language of a queen's butler.
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I think Americans still can't help but respond to the natural authority of this voice. Deep down they long to be told what to do by a British accent. That's why so many infomercials have British people.
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Teenagers falling off skateboards - funny. Nut shots - funny. Breaking wind - funny. The world cannot change those. Those three things are columns upon which humor is built.
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When I heard that Hitler had problems with flatulence, it's funny. What - does that make him a funny man? No. It means he had funny moments when his rear end was speaking louder than his mouth.
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Australia turns out to be a sensational place, albeit one of the most comfortably racist places I've ever been in. They've really settled into their intolerance like an old resentful slipper.
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People are friendlier in New York than London.
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People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character.
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Democracy is like a tambourine, not everyone can be trusted with it.
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You just try to be true to your idea of what is funny and what is also interesting.
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I'm British. I don't really have access to my emotions on a daily basis.
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When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain.
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People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on The Daily Show ... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor.
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Armando Iannucci is one of my heroes. As I was growing up, he was probably the most influential comic voice that I had.
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I care about facts the way I care about oxygen and imbibing enough water a day to live.
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It's a great time to be doing political satire when the world is on a knife edge.
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I would hate to meet myself at 15.
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I think it might honestly be time for the Sunshine State to officially change its motto to the Worst State.
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One thing that America is objectively exceptional at is overreacting whenever anyone accuses them of not being exceptional.
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Stand-up comedy seems like a terrifying thing. Objectively. Before anyone has done it, it seems like one of the most frightening things you could conceive, and there's just no shortcut - you just have to do it.
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I think I'm just a summer fling that people will soon forget.
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