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If your name is Sepp, at the bare minimum you’ve strangled someone in a bar fight.
John Oliver
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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
Fighting
Someone
Strangled
Bare
Minimum
Bars
Fight
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Names
More quotes by John Oliver
I'm always interested in audience interaction. Not so much aggressive audience interaction - I'm genuinely interested in how people see things.
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You just try to be true to your idea of what is funny and what is also interesting.
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Florida, just because you're shaped like some combination of a gun and a d*ck doesn't mean you have to act that way.
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Sometimes it's good to remember how bad food can be, so you can enjoy the concept of flavour to the fullest.
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I don't think I'm identified as the anchorman, I think I'm identified as the impostor anchorman - there's a very clear line there ... I don't think it changes the way they respond.
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You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job.
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I think Americans still can't help but respond to the natural authority of this voice. Deep down they long to be told what to do by a British accent. That's why so many infomercials have British people.
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It's exciting to have a role in anything that's Claymation, just because you're always intrigued by what a clay wizard version of yourself would be.
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I've made so many people angry that they kind of blur into one unpleasant memory of people staring at you with somewhere between passive aggression and active aggression.
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You're sonically racist, Americans. You think we all sound the same, whereas I have definitely a mongrel accent.
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If you vote for Democrats, you might as well give Al Quaeda a death ray and a manual.
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Wow. Losing 95 percent of your audience in just five years. That basically makes Obama the NBC of presidents.
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The poverty line is like the age of consent: if you find yourself parsing exactly where it is, you’ve probably already done something very, very wrong.
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Campaign ads are the backbone of American democracy if American democracy suffered a gigantic spinal injury.
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Australia turns out to be a sensational place, albeit one of the most comfortably racist places I've ever been in. They've really settled into their intolerance like an old resentful slipper.
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Southern people are bigger-hearted and kinder than I had any right to expect.
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There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I don't have any dignity left to lose. An audience can’t hurt you anymore when you’ve been completely dismantled.
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Democracy is like a tambourine, not everyone can be trusted with it.
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In improv, the whole thing is that it is a relationship between the two people, as a back and forth. In standup, you don't really want to be listening to what somebody is saying you want to project your jokes into their face.
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When I heard that Hitler had problems with flatulence, it's funny. What - does that make him a funny man? No. It means he had funny moments when his rear end was speaking louder than his mouth.
John Oliver
