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If your name is Sepp, at the bare minimum you’ve strangled someone in a bar fight.

John Oliver

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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
Someone
Strangled
Bare
Minimum
Bars
Fight
Name
Names
Fighting

More quotes by John Oliver

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Welcome to The Daily Show, I'm John Oliver. Jon Stewart is still not here. He is currently living out a live-action Lord of the Rings role-playing experience deep in the New Zealand wilderness.
John Oliver
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If you’re asking me, would I have voted for Mitt Romney, the answer is absolutely not. Emphatically not. I cannot envision a world in which I would have voted for Mitt Romney unless I sustained a massive concussion.
John Oliver
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I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behavior.
John Oliver
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There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I don't have any dignity left to lose. An audience can’t hurt you anymore when you’ve been completely dismantled.
John Oliver
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Iran is the middle child of the Axis of Evil. Iraq is the oldest child and gets the lion's share of the attention, and North Korea is the crazy baby.
John Oliver
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Australia turns out to be a sensational place, albeit one of the most comfortably racist places I've ever been in. They've really settled into their intolerance like an old resentful slipper.
John Oliver
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It's a great time to be doing political satire when the world is on a knife edge.
John Oliver
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A Southern accent is not a club in my bag.
John Oliver
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Every empire has to get sucked down the drain. As a British person, I know how it feels.
John Oliver
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People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on The Daily Show ... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor.
John Oliver
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I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician.
John Oliver
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I guess the tone of jokes is often, at best, irreverent, but it always comes from a place of deep love.
John Oliver
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News is not a game show. You don't win a car if you happen to be right.
John Oliver
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I would hate to meet myself at 15.
John Oliver
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I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in!
John Oliver
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The disconnect between America and its military is shocking.
John Oliver
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Wow. Losing 95 percent of your audience in just five years. That basically makes Obama the NBC of presidents.
John Oliver
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Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you.
John Oliver
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I'm always interested in audience interaction. Not so much aggressive audience interaction - I'm genuinely interested in how people see things.
John Oliver
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Net neutrality: The only two words that promise more boredom in the English language are 'featuring Sting,'
John Oliver