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Net neutrality: The only two words that promise more boredom in the English language are 'featuring Sting,'

John Oliver

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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
Two
Featuring
Sting
Neutrality
Boredom
English
Promise
Words
Language

More quotes by John Oliver

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I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician.
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I think being an outsider in general always helps you in comedy. I think it helps to have an outsider's eye. And so I have an outsider's voice. You know, as soon as I start talking, I don't belong here. And I think that helps in a way.
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When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain.
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Sometimes it's good to remember how bad food can be, so you can enjoy the concept of flavour to the fullest.
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There are two kinds of hecklers: the destructive and constructive hecklers.
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Southern people are bigger-hearted and kinder than I had any right to expect.
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Americans just don't understand dry wit.
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I guess the tone of jokes is often, at best, irreverent, but it always comes from a place of deep love.
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Veterans' issues are quite close to my heart. I find it quite hard to talk about, actually.
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People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character.
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I would hate to meet myself at 15.
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Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back.
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You're sonically racist, Americans. You think we all sound the same, whereas I have definitely a mongrel accent.
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One thing that America is objectively exceptional at is overreacting whenever anyone accuses them of not being exceptional.
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In improv, the whole thing is that it is a relationship between the two people, as a back and forth. In standup, you don't really want to be listening to what somebody is saying you want to project your jokes into their face.
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Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.
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My family are from Liverpool, so I have some twang there - I have a Midlands accent, and I was raised about an hour north of London, so my voice is a mess. Although, to American ears, it sounds like the crisp language of a queen's butler.
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Wow. Losing 95 percent of your audience in just five years. That basically makes Obama the NBC of presidents.
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Iran is the middle child of the Axis of Evil. Iraq is the oldest child and gets the lion's share of the attention, and North Korea is the crazy baby.
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Everybody should care about facts. That is something all of us should agree on.
John Oliver