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Net neutrality: The only two words that promise more boredom in the English language are 'featuring Sting,'

John Oliver

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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
Sting
Neutrality
Boredom
English
Promise
Words
Language
Two
Featuring

More quotes by John Oliver

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Teenagers falling off skateboards - funny. Nut shots - funny. Breaking wind - funny. The world cannot change those. Those three things are columns upon which humor is built.
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If you vote for Democrats, you might as well give Al Quaeda a death ray and a manual.
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I've made so many people angry that they kind of blur into one unpleasant memory of people staring at you with somewhere between passive aggression and active aggression.
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Stand-up comedy seems like a terrifying thing. Objectively. Before anyone has done it, it seems like one of the most frightening things you could conceive, and there's just no shortcut - you just have to do it.
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The moment I accept that there's an artistic, redeeming quality in puns, I have a horrible feeling I'll get hooked.
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It really helps a comedian to be an outsider.
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Welcome to The Daily Show, I'm John Oliver. Jon Stewart is still not here. He is currently living out a live-action Lord of the Rings role-playing experience deep in the New Zealand wilderness.
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Southern people are bigger-hearted and kinder than I had any right to expect.
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I'm British, so obviously I repress any powerful emotions of any kind in relation to anything.
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Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.
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I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behavior.
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When I heard that Hitler had problems with flatulence, it's funny. What - does that make him a funny man? No. It means he had funny moments when his rear end was speaking louder than his mouth.
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You're sonically racist, Americans. You think we all sound the same, whereas I have definitely a mongrel accent.
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There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I don't have any dignity left to lose. An audience can’t hurt you anymore when you’ve been completely dismantled.
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The poverty line is like the age of consent: if you find yourself parsing exactly where it is, you’ve probably already done something very, very wrong.
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It's pretty physically unsettling, living life on a visa.
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Sometimes it's good to remember how bad food can be, so you can enjoy the concept of flavour to the fullest.
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I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into.
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I'm not really much of an actor, so when I started on 'The Daily Show', I was just trying to adopt the faux authority of a newsperson.
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In improv, the whole thing is that it is a relationship between the two people, as a back and forth. In standup, you don't really want to be listening to what somebody is saying you want to project your jokes into their face.
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