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Welcome to The Daily Show, I'm John Oliver. Jon Stewart is still not here. He is currently living out a live-action Lord of the Rings role-playing experience deep in the New Zealand wilderness.

John Oliver

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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
Shows
Deep
Zealand
Stills
Roles
Currently
Still
Playing
Wilderness
Live
Lord
Rings
Show
Welcome
Living
John
Experience
Daily
Oliver
Action
Role
Stewart

More quotes by John Oliver

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My family are from Liverpool, so I have some twang there - I have a Midlands accent, and I was raised about an hour north of London, so my voice is a mess. Although, to American ears, it sounds like the crisp language of a queen's butler.
John Oliver
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Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says 'I don't give a royal s**t.'
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Anybody who claims to be excited for April Fools' Day is probably a sociopath.
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Drug companies are a bit like high school boyfriends - they're much more concerned with getting inside you than being effective once they're in there.
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I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behavior.
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If you vote for Democrats, you might as well give Al Quaeda a death ray and a manual.
John Oliver
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Americans just don't understand dry wit.
John Oliver
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My family is from Liverpool, so I have some of those vowel sounds, I've got the slack tone of someone from Birmingham, and then I was raised in Bedford, which is just north of London. So my accent, if it's possible, makes even less sense to a Brit than to an American.
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I would hate to meet myself at 15.
John Oliver
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Wow. Losing 95 percent of your audience in just five years. That basically makes Obama the NBC of presidents.
John Oliver
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Sometimes it's good to remember how bad food can be, so you can enjoy the concept of flavour to the fullest.
John Oliver
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Once you learn how to make people laugh, then you get to choose exactly how you want to make them laugh.
John Oliver
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I get nostalgic for British negativity. There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. When you go back to Britain, everybody is just running everything down. It's like whatever the opposite of a hug is.
John Oliver
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I do not want to leave in [U.S.] ... I cannot make that clear enough to immigration authorities who may be listening to this interview. I don't want to leave, so please don't make me.
John Oliver
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I watch one news channel until my soul can't take it anymore. It's the background of my life.
John Oliver
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Every empire has to get sucked down the drain. As a British person, I know how it feels.
John Oliver
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Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.
John Oliver
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Southern people are bigger-hearted and kinder than I had any right to expect.
John Oliver
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Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing.
John Oliver
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I think I'm just a summer fling that people will soon forget.
John Oliver