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Welcome to The Daily Show, I'm John Oliver. Jon Stewart is still not here. He is currently living out a live-action Lord of the Rings role-playing experience deep in the New Zealand wilderness.

John Oliver

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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
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Stewart
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Oliver

More quotes by John Oliver

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I guess the tone of jokes is often, at best, irreverent, but it always comes from a place of deep love.
John Oliver
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Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing.
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Florida, just because you're shaped like some combination of a gun and a d*ck doesn't mean you have to act that way.
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Veterans' issues are quite close to my heart. I find it quite hard to talk about, actually.
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The poverty line is like the age of consent: if you find yourself parsing exactly where it is, you’ve probably already done something very, very wrong.
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Southern people are bigger-hearted and kinder than I had any right to expect.
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Armando Iannucci is one of my heroes. As I was growing up, he was probably the most influential comic voice that I had.
John Oliver
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When I heard that Hitler had problems with flatulence, it's funny. What - does that make him a funny man? No. It means he had funny moments when his rear end was speaking louder than his mouth.
John Oliver
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One thing that America is objectively exceptional at is overreacting whenever anyone accuses them of not being exceptional.
John Oliver
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I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behavior.
John Oliver
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It's exciting to have a role in anything that's Claymation, just because you're always intrigued by what a clay wizard version of yourself would be.
John Oliver
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I think Americans still can't help but respond to the natural authority of this voice. Deep down they long to be told what to do by a British accent. That's why so many infomercials have British people.
John Oliver
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I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in!
John Oliver
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Sometimes it's good to remember how bad food can be, so you can enjoy the concept of flavour to the fullest.
John Oliver
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There are two kinds of hecklers: the destructive and constructive hecklers.
John Oliver
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Politics has become infused with narcissism in America.
John Oliver
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Stand-up comedy seems like a terrifying thing. Objectively. Before anyone has done it, it seems like one of the most frightening things you could conceive, and there's just no shortcut - you just have to do it.
John Oliver
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Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.
John Oliver
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Pumpkin spice lattes are egg nog for morning people.
John Oliver
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Democracy is like a tambourine, not everyone can be trusted with it.
John Oliver