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Welcome to The Daily Show, I'm John Oliver. Jon Stewart is still not here. He is currently living out a live-action Lord of the Rings role-playing experience deep in the New Zealand wilderness.

John Oliver

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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
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Daily
Oliver
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Stewart
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Zealand
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More quotes by John Oliver

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I care about facts the way I care about oxygen and imbibing enough water a day to live.
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The poverty line is like the age of consent: if you find yourself parsing exactly where it is, you’ve probably already done something very, very wrong.
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When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain.
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I can't relax. I find vacations problematic.
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People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character.
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If you’re asking me, would I have voted for Mitt Romney, the answer is absolutely not. Emphatically not. I cannot envision a world in which I would have voted for Mitt Romney unless I sustained a massive concussion.
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There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I don't have any dignity left to lose. An audience can’t hurt you anymore when you’ve been completely dismantled.
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Southern people are bigger-hearted and kinder than I had any right to expect.
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There is no greater anesthetic than sport.
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Net neutrality: The only two words that promise more boredom in the English language are 'featuring Sting,'
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Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you.
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Sometimes it's good to remember how bad food can be, so you can enjoy the concept of flavour to the fullest.
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Every empire has to get sucked down the drain. As a British person, I know how it feels.
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I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician.
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There are two kinds of hecklers: the destructive and constructive hecklers.
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It's exciting to have a role in anything that's Claymation, just because you're always intrigued by what a clay wizard version of yourself would be.
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Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.
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Wow. Losing 95 percent of your audience in just five years. That basically makes Obama the NBC of presidents.
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I've made so many people angry that they kind of blur into one unpleasant memory of people staring at you with somewhere between passive aggression and active aggression.
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I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into.
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