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News is not a game show. You don't win a car if you happen to be right.

John Oliver

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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
Car
Happens
News
Right
Game
Happen
Winning
Games
Show
Shows

More quotes by John Oliver

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People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character.
John Oliver
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If your name is Sepp, at the bare minimum you’ve strangled someone in a bar fight.
John Oliver
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Pumpkin spice lattes are egg nog for morning people.
John Oliver
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I watch one news channel until my soul can't take it anymore. It's the background of my life.
John Oliver
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Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says 'I don't give a royal s**t.'
John Oliver
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I guess the tone of jokes is often, at best, irreverent, but it always comes from a place of deep love.
John Oliver
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I'm British. I don't really have access to my emotions on a daily basis.
John Oliver
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I think I'm just a summer fling that people will soon forget.
John Oliver
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I would hate to meet myself at 15.
John Oliver
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I care about facts the way I care about oxygen and imbibing enough water a day to live.
John Oliver
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Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word.
John Oliver
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Democracy is like a tambourine, not everyone can be trusted with it.
John Oliver
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People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on The Daily Show ... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor.
John Oliver
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Australia turns out to be a sensational place, albeit one of the most comfortably racist places I've ever been in. They've really settled into their intolerance like an old resentful slipper.
John Oliver
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I think Americans still can't help but respond to the natural authority of this voice. Deep down they long to be told what to do by a British accent. That's why so many infomercials have British people.
John Oliver
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I can't relax. I find vacations problematic.
John Oliver
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Veterans' issues are quite close to my heart. I find it quite hard to talk about, actually.
John Oliver
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My family is from Liverpool, so I have some of those vowel sounds, I've got the slack tone of someone from Birmingham, and then I was raised in Bedford, which is just north of London. So my accent, if it's possible, makes even less sense to a Brit than to an American.
John Oliver
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Florida, just because you're shaped like some combination of a gun and a d*ck doesn't mean you have to act that way.
John Oliver
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I have exactly as much rhythm as you think I have.
John Oliver