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News is not a game show. You don't win a car if you happen to be right.

John Oliver

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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
Right
News
Game
Happen
Winning
Games
Show
Shows
Happens
Car

More quotes by John Oliver

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Americans just don't understand dry wit.
John Oliver
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I get nostalgic for British negativity. There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. When you go back to Britain, everybody is just running everything down. It's like whatever the opposite of a hug is.
John Oliver
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When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain.
John Oliver
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Florida, just because you're shaped like some combination of a gun and a d*ck doesn't mean you have to act that way.
John Oliver
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I think Americans still can't help but respond to the natural authority of this voice. Deep down they long to be told what to do by a British accent. That's why so many infomercials have British people.
John Oliver
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I did sketch comedy, but I never did improv. So I've just tried to learn as I go.
John Oliver
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It's pretty physically unsettling, living life on a visa.
John Oliver
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I'm British, so obviously I repress any powerful emotions of any kind in relation to anything.
John Oliver
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People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on The Daily Show ... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor.
John Oliver
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People are friendlier in New York than London.
John Oliver
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I think it might honestly be time for the Sunshine State to officially change its motto to the Worst State.
John Oliver
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Democracy is like a tambourine, not everyone can be trusted with it.
John Oliver
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The poverty line is like the age of consent: if you find yourself parsing exactly where it is, you’ve probably already done something very, very wrong.
John Oliver
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Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing.
John Oliver
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There is no greater anesthetic than sport.
John Oliver
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My family is from Liverpool, so I have some of those vowel sounds, I've got the slack tone of someone from Birmingham, and then I was raised in Bedford, which is just north of London. So my accent, if it's possible, makes even less sense to a Brit than to an American.
John Oliver
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If your name is Sepp, at the bare minimum you’ve strangled someone in a bar fight.
John Oliver
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I watch one news channel until my soul can't take it anymore. It's the background of my life.
John Oliver
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You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job.
John Oliver
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Iran is the middle child of the Axis of Evil. Iraq is the oldest child and gets the lion's share of the attention, and North Korea is the crazy baby.
John Oliver