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I have exactly as much rhythm as you think I have.

John Oliver

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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
Think
Thinking
Rhythm
Exactly
Much

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I'm British. I don't really have access to my emotions on a daily basis.
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It really helps a comedian to be an outsider.
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If you’re asking me, would I have voted for Mitt Romney, the answer is absolutely not. Emphatically not. I cannot envision a world in which I would have voted for Mitt Romney unless I sustained a massive concussion.
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In improv, the whole thing is that it is a relationship between the two people, as a back and forth. In standup, you don't really want to be listening to what somebody is saying you want to project your jokes into their face.
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News is not a game show. You don't win a car if you happen to be right.
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You're sonically racist, Americans. You think we all sound the same, whereas I have definitely a mongrel accent.
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Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing.
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There are two kinds of hecklers: the destructive and constructive hecklers.
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The moment I accept that there's an artistic, redeeming quality in puns, I have a horrible feeling I'll get hooked.
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Welcome to The Daily Show, I'm John Oliver. Jon Stewart is still not here. He is currently living out a live-action Lord of the Rings role-playing experience deep in the New Zealand wilderness.
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Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word.
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I've always been interested in socially political, or overtly political, comedy.
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I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behavior.
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I watch one news channel until my soul can't take it anymore. It's the background of my life.
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Once you learn how to make people laugh, then you get to choose exactly how you want to make them laugh.
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If you vote for Democrats, you might as well give Al Quaeda a death ray and a manual.
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There is no greater anesthetic than sport.
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I've made so many people angry that they kind of blur into one unpleasant memory of people staring at you with somewhere between passive aggression and active aggression.
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It's pretty physically unsettling, living life on a visa.
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Southern people are bigger-hearted and kinder than I had any right to expect.
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