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I have exactly as much rhythm as you think I have.

John Oliver

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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
Thinking
Rhythm
Exactly
Much
Think

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Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being.
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Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back.
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In improv, the whole thing is that it is a relationship between the two people, as a back and forth. In standup, you don't really want to be listening to what somebody is saying you want to project your jokes into their face.
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I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in!
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There is no greater anesthetic than sport.
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Welcome to The Daily Show, I'm John Oliver. Jon Stewart is still not here. He is currently living out a live-action Lord of the Rings role-playing experience deep in the New Zealand wilderness.
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A Southern accent is not a club in my bag.
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I'm not really much of an actor, so when I started on 'The Daily Show', I was just trying to adopt the faux authority of a newsperson.
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Drug companies are a bit like high school boyfriends - they're much more concerned with getting inside you than being effective once they're in there.
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I think I'm just a summer fling that people will soon forget.
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My family is from Liverpool, so I have some of those vowel sounds, I've got the slack tone of someone from Birmingham, and then I was raised in Bedford, which is just north of London. So my accent, if it's possible, makes even less sense to a Brit than to an American.
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I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behavior.
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You're sonically racist, Americans. You think we all sound the same, whereas I have definitely a mongrel accent.
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Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word.
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People are friendlier in New York than London.
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Net neutrality: The only two words that promise more boredom in the English language are 'featuring Sting,'
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If you vote for Democrats, you might as well give Al Quaeda a death ray and a manual.
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Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing.
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Politicians don't really bring up religion in England.
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When you're dealing with serious subjects, there is a pressure to be absolutely sure that you know what you're doing.
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