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Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being.

John Oliver

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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
Comedian
Training
Conversation
Either
Human
Humans
Something

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Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back.
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I have exactly as much rhythm as you think I have.
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Iran is the middle child of the Axis of Evil. Iraq is the oldest child and gets the lion's share of the attention, and North Korea is the crazy baby.
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Campaign ads are the backbone of American democracy if American democracy suffered a gigantic spinal injury.
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You're sonically racist, Americans. You think we all sound the same, whereas I have definitely a mongrel accent.
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Anybody who claims to be excited for April Fools' Day is probably a sociopath.
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Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.
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There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I don't have any dignity left to lose. An audience can’t hurt you anymore when you’ve been completely dismantled.
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News is not a game show. You don't win a car if you happen to be right.
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Florida, just because you're shaped like some combination of a gun and a d*ck doesn't mean you have to act that way.
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Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you.
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It really helps a comedian to be an outsider.
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I can't relax. I find vacations problematic.
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When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain.
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Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says 'I don't give a royal s**t.'
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When I heard that Hitler had problems with flatulence, it's funny. What - does that make him a funny man? No. It means he had funny moments when his rear end was speaking louder than his mouth.
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It's a great time to be doing political satire when the world is on a knife edge.
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I don't think I'm identified as the anchorman, I think I'm identified as the impostor anchorman - there's a very clear line there ... I don't think it changes the way they respond.
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My family are from Liverpool, so I have some twang there - I have a Midlands accent, and I was raised about an hour north of London, so my voice is a mess. Although, to American ears, it sounds like the crisp language of a queen's butler.
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I did sketch comedy, but I never did improv. So I've just tried to learn as I go.
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