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Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you.

John Oliver

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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
Capacity
Loses
Never
Disappoint
Congress

More quotes by John Oliver

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Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.
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Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word.
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Teenagers falling off skateboards - funny. Nut shots - funny. Breaking wind - funny. The world cannot change those. Those three things are columns upon which humor is built.
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Stand-up comedy seems like a terrifying thing. Objectively. Before anyone has done it, it seems like one of the most frightening things you could conceive, and there's just no shortcut - you just have to do it.
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Armando Iannucci is one of my heroes. As I was growing up, he was probably the most influential comic voice that I had.
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Everybody should care about facts. That is something all of us should agree on.
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I would hate to meet myself at 15.
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Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being.
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News is not a game show. You don't win a car if you happen to be right.
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I think it might honestly be time for the Sunshine State to officially change its motto to the Worst State.
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It's pretty physically unsettling, living life on a visa.
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It's a great time to be doing political satire when the world is on a knife edge.
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I've made so many people angry that they kind of blur into one unpleasant memory of people staring at you with somewhere between passive aggression and active aggression.
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Welcome to The Daily Show, I'm John Oliver. Jon Stewart is still not here. He is currently living out a live-action Lord of the Rings role-playing experience deep in the New Zealand wilderness.
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You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job.
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I watch one news channel until my soul can't take it anymore. It's the background of my life.
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People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on The Daily Show ... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor.
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I did sketch comedy, but I never did improv. So I've just tried to learn as I go.
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I think I'm just a summer fling that people will soon forget.
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Democracy is like a tambourine, not everyone can be trusted with it.
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