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Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you.
John Oliver
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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
Disappoint
Congress
Capacity
Loses
Never
More quotes by John Oliver
I get nostalgic for British negativity. There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. When you go back to Britain, everybody is just running everything down. It's like whatever the opposite of a hug is.
John Oliver
Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.
John Oliver
Anybody who claims to be excited for April Fools' Day is probably a sociopath.
John Oliver
Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing.
John Oliver
I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into.
John Oliver
I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behavior.
John Oliver
Americans just don't understand dry wit.
John Oliver
I've always been interested in socially political, or overtly political, comedy.
John Oliver
News is not a game show. You don't win a car if you happen to be right.
John Oliver
Sometimes it's good to remember how bad food can be, so you can enjoy the concept of flavour to the fullest.
John Oliver
Australia turns out to be a sensational place, albeit one of the most comfortably racist places I've ever been in. They've really settled into their intolerance like an old resentful slipper.
John Oliver
If you vote for Democrats, you might as well give Al Quaeda a death ray and a manual.
John Oliver
I've made so many people angry that they kind of blur into one unpleasant memory of people staring at you with somewhere between passive aggression and active aggression.
John Oliver
I'm British. I don't really have access to my emotions on a daily basis.
John Oliver
Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says 'I don't give a royal s**t.'
John Oliver
There are two kinds of hecklers: the destructive and constructive hecklers.
John Oliver
Once you learn how to make people laugh, then you get to choose exactly how you want to make them laugh.
John Oliver
The moment I accept that there's an artistic, redeeming quality in puns, I have a horrible feeling I'll get hooked.
John Oliver
Pumpkin spice lattes are egg nog for morning people.
John Oliver
I did sketch comedy, but I never did improv. So I've just tried to learn as I go.
John Oliver