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Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back.

John Oliver

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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
Fans
Money
Someone
Back
Never
Like
Lending
Mets
Paid

More quotes by John Oliver

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There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I don't have any dignity left to lose. An audience can’t hurt you anymore when you’ve been completely dismantled.
John Oliver
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Everybody should care about facts. That is something all of us should agree on.
John Oliver
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If you vote for Democrats, you might as well give Al Quaeda a death ray and a manual.
John Oliver
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My family is from Liverpool, so I have some of those vowel sounds, I've got the slack tone of someone from Birmingham, and then I was raised in Bedford, which is just north of London. So my accent, if it's possible, makes even less sense to a Brit than to an American.
John Oliver
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You just try to be true to your idea of what is funny and what is also interesting.
John Oliver
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I get nostalgic for British negativity. There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. When you go back to Britain, everybody is just running everything down. It's like whatever the opposite of a hug is.
John Oliver
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If you’re asking me, would I have voted for Mitt Romney, the answer is absolutely not. Emphatically not. I cannot envision a world in which I would have voted for Mitt Romney unless I sustained a massive concussion.
John Oliver
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Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.
John Oliver
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Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word.
John Oliver
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I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in!
John Oliver
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Anybody who claims to be excited for April Fools' Day is probably a sociopath.
John Oliver
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I think I'm just a summer fling that people will soon forget.
John Oliver
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Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being.
John Oliver
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I watch one news channel until my soul can't take it anymore. It's the background of my life.
John Oliver
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I've always been interested in socially political, or overtly political, comedy.
John Oliver
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Democracy is like a tambourine, not everyone can be trusted with it.
John Oliver
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Welcome to The Daily Show, I'm John Oliver. Jon Stewart is still not here. He is currently living out a live-action Lord of the Rings role-playing experience deep in the New Zealand wilderness.
John Oliver
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When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain.
John Oliver
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I'm British, so obviously I repress any powerful emotions of any kind in relation to anything.
John Oliver
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Pumpkin spice lattes are egg nog for morning people.
John Oliver