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Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back.
John Oliver
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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
Mets
Paid
Fans
Money
Someone
Back
Never
Like
Lending
More quotes by John Oliver
I get nostalgic for British negativity. There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. When you go back to Britain, everybody is just running everything down. It's like whatever the opposite of a hug is.
John Oliver
Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word.
John Oliver
Everybody should care about facts. That is something all of us should agree on.
John Oliver
Once you learn how to make people laugh, then you get to choose exactly how you want to make them laugh.
John Oliver
Florida, just because you're shaped like some combination of a gun and a d*ck doesn't mean you have to act that way.
John Oliver
I think I'm just a summer fling that people will soon forget.
John Oliver
I feel non-stop Brit shame!
John Oliver
My family are from Liverpool, so I have some twang there - I have a Midlands accent, and I was raised about an hour north of London, so my voice is a mess. Although, to American ears, it sounds like the crisp language of a queen's butler.
John Oliver
News is not a game show. You don't win a car if you happen to be right.
John Oliver
I have exactly as much rhythm as you think I have.
John Oliver
People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on The Daily Show ... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor.
John Oliver
I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behavior.
John Oliver
Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing.
John Oliver
One thing that America is objectively exceptional at is overreacting whenever anyone accuses them of not being exceptional.
John Oliver
I watch one news channel until my soul can't take it anymore. It's the background of my life.
John Oliver
Iran is the middle child of the Axis of Evil. Iraq is the oldest child and gets the lion's share of the attention, and North Korea is the crazy baby.
John Oliver
My family is from Liverpool, so I have some of those vowel sounds, I've got the slack tone of someone from Birmingham, and then I was raised in Bedford, which is just north of London. So my accent, if it's possible, makes even less sense to a Brit than to an American.
John Oliver
I'm British. I don't really have access to my emotions on a daily basis.
John Oliver
When I heard that Hitler had problems with flatulence, it's funny. What - does that make him a funny man? No. It means he had funny moments when his rear end was speaking louder than his mouth.
John Oliver
Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you.
John Oliver
