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Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back.
John Oliver
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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
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Mets
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More quotes by John Oliver
Stand-up comedy seems like a terrifying thing. Objectively. Before anyone has done it, it seems like one of the most frightening things you could conceive, and there's just no shortcut - you just have to do it.
John Oliver
The disconnect between America and its military is shocking.
John Oliver
Anybody who claims to be excited for April Fools' Day is probably a sociopath.
John Oliver
Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being.
John Oliver
I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into.
John Oliver
I'm British. I don't really have access to my emotions on a daily basis.
John Oliver
Armando Iannucci is one of my heroes. As I was growing up, he was probably the most influential comic voice that I had.
John Oliver
Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word.
John Oliver
My family is from Liverpool, so I have some of those vowel sounds, I've got the slack tone of someone from Birmingham, and then I was raised in Bedford, which is just north of London. So my accent, if it's possible, makes even less sense to a Brit than to an American.
John Oliver
I'm not really much of an actor, so when I started on 'The Daily Show', I was just trying to adopt the faux authority of a newsperson.
John Oliver
Teenagers falling off skateboards - funny. Nut shots - funny. Breaking wind - funny. The world cannot change those. Those three things are columns upon which humor is built.
John Oliver
My family are from Liverpool, so I have some twang there - I have a Midlands accent, and I was raised about an hour north of London, so my voice is a mess. Although, to American ears, it sounds like the crisp language of a queen's butler.
John Oliver
Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says 'I don't give a royal s**t.'
John Oliver
Wow. Losing 95 percent of your audience in just five years. That basically makes Obama the NBC of presidents.
John Oliver
I think I'm just a summer fling that people will soon forget.
John Oliver
Everybody should care about facts. That is something all of us should agree on.
John Oliver
I don't think I'm identified as the anchorman, I think I'm identified as the impostor anchorman - there's a very clear line there ... I don't think it changes the way they respond.
John Oliver
I do not want to leave in [U.S.] ... I cannot make that clear enough to immigration authorities who may be listening to this interview. I don't want to leave, so please don't make me.
John Oliver
I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in!
John Oliver
The poverty line is like the age of consent: if you find yourself parsing exactly where it is, you’ve probably already done something very, very wrong.
John Oliver
