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Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back.
John Oliver
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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
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Lending
Mets
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Fans
Money
Someone
Back
More quotes by John Oliver
Once you learn how to make people laugh, then you get to choose exactly how you want to make them laugh.
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Australia turns out to be a sensational place, albeit one of the most comfortably racist places I've ever been in. They've really settled into their intolerance like an old resentful slipper.
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I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in!
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You're sonically racist, Americans. You think we all sound the same, whereas I have definitely a mongrel accent.
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It's a great time to be doing political satire when the world is on a knife edge.
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There are two kinds of hecklers: the destructive and constructive hecklers.
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You just try to be true to your idea of what is funny and what is also interesting.
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I think Americans still can't help but respond to the natural authority of this voice. Deep down they long to be told what to do by a British accent. That's why so many infomercials have British people.
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I can't relax. I find vacations problematic.
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You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job.
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Pumpkin spice lattes are egg nog for morning people.
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Every empire has to get sucked down the drain. As a British person, I know how it feels.
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Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you.
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I feel non-stop Brit shame!
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Southern people are bigger-hearted and kinder than I had any right to expect.
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The moment I accept that there's an artistic, redeeming quality in puns, I have a horrible feeling I'll get hooked.
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I'm British, so obviously I repress any powerful emotions of any kind in relation to anything.
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I watch one news channel until my soul can't take it anymore. It's the background of my life.
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Veterans' issues are quite close to my heart. I find it quite hard to talk about, actually.
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Iran is the middle child of the Axis of Evil. Iraq is the oldest child and gets the lion's share of the attention, and North Korea is the crazy baby.
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