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Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back.

John Oliver

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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
Someone
Back
Never
Like
Lending
Mets
Paid
Fans
Money

More quotes by John Oliver

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I'm British. I don't really have access to my emotions on a daily basis.
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People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character.
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I think it might honestly be time for the Sunshine State to officially change its motto to the Worst State.
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You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job.
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Drug companies are a bit like high school boyfriends - they're much more concerned with getting inside you than being effective once they're in there.
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People are friendlier in New York than London.
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I have exactly as much rhythm as you think I have.
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I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician.
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You're sonically racist, Americans. You think we all sound the same, whereas I have definitely a mongrel accent.
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Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says 'I don't give a royal s**t.'
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Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.
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It really helps a comedian to be an outsider.
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Net neutrality: The only two words that promise more boredom in the English language are 'featuring Sting,'
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Politics has become infused with narcissism in America.
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I can't relax. I find vacations problematic.
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There is no greater anesthetic than sport.
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When I heard that Hitler had problems with flatulence, it's funny. What - does that make him a funny man? No. It means he had funny moments when his rear end was speaking louder than his mouth.
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I've always been interested in socially political, or overtly political, comedy.
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I don't think I'm identified as the anchorman, I think I'm identified as the impostor anchorman - there's a very clear line there ... I don't think it changes the way they respond.
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The poverty line is like the age of consent: if you find yourself parsing exactly where it is, you’ve probably already done something very, very wrong.
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