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There's [John Mulaney Show] jokes that I have in stand up that I wouldn't try to put in, I would try to have someone just speak extemporaneously in the middle of a scene about an episode of Law and Order or something.

John Mulaney

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John Mulaney
Age: 42
Born: 1982
Born: August 26
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Chicago
Illinois
John Edmund Mulaney
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Episodes
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John
Shows
Jokes
Order
Scene
Someone
Wouldn
Trying
Stand
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More quotes by John Mulaney

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Maybe I just have high self-esteem, but I have a lot that I really enjoy.
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I do longer runs on things, a lot stories. I really like one-liners, I like a lot of different kinds of standup but I've always been long-winded.
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Comfort is everything. You start doing something and you want it to be perfect right away, but most babies are born ugly and then they shake it out and you get beautiful toddlers.
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It was funny to be an emcee, because you're so at the mercy of the club. You can show up for the weekend hoping to get the $400 - and get fired. I had to prank whoever they told me to prank.
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I plan to join the 'SNL' band as a maraca player and stand behind saxophonist Lenny Pickett. That way they will at least cut to me before commercial breaks. I'll be sure to look right into camera.
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A lot of comedy clubs are set up with people sitting at little tables and you have everything from the way they are seated to them ordering or taking a sip of a drink, these can make a comedian go harder and faster in a club.
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In every case, I find pre-planning noble, but not always that useful in comedy. You know comedy once you're doing it.
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The Doula was and is a very, very special episode to me because I think it's very funny and very weird and it also is 100 percent based on my life, in that I fainted three times during Sex Ed in real life the three different years.
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I think for many of us - speaking for just a pocket of the country - we trusted Obama. So when you leave your baby with your mom to watch, you don't run home and check the nanny cam. But now we've left the baby with Gary Busey, so we're going to be a lot more on it.
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The best-case scenario is everything goes perfect and smooth, but we're also a new and weird show. So all my conversations were, Hey last night didn't go perfect but we kind of know what we've got in store for everybody episode-wise.
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Everyone's very relaxed about brand names in television.
John Mulaney
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I have tons of jokes with moments in them over the years in stand-up that don't get a laugh but I love them so they stay.
John Mulaney
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An episode that is near and dear to my heart is the entire cast in one room for the night because we get bed bugs in our apartment building so we have to stay with Martin Short.
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I remember writing standup jokes without having done sets. But as soon as I did my first set, it didn't matter. Everything I thought would work didn't work. And everything I was iffy on was funny.
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I like making fun of myself a lot. I like being made fun of, too. I've always enjoyed it. There's just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me.
John Mulaney
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The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.
John Mulaney
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You can't always see both sides of the story. Eventually, you have to pick a side and stick with it. No more equivocating. You have to commit.
John Mulaney
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You all have a relative who is an expert even though they really don't know what they're talking about.
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I'm a very straightforward person. But that's fine for a comedian. Because a lot of times you're talking about everyone else.
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I've done festivals in the past where I'd be a guest, it was like, Wow, maybe someday I could play Town Hall - but that'll be a long way off. So it's very exciting.
John Mulaney