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Things don't exist until they exist.

John Mulaney

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John Mulaney
Age: 42
Born: 1982
Born: August 26
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Chicago
Illinois
John Edmund Mulaney
Exist
Things

More quotes by John Mulaney

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I like making fun of myself a lot. I like being made fun of, too. I've always enjoyed it. There's just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me.
John Mulaney
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You can't always see both sides of the story. Eventually, you have to pick a side and stick with it. No more equivocating. You have to commit.
John Mulaney
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I have tons of jokes with moments in them over the years in stand-up that don't get a laugh but I love them so they stay.
John Mulaney
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As I got into high school and after puberty, I was a little more inward. I was a real extrovert when I was little, but I don't know, I just got quieter With my friends, I was still an extrovert.
John Mulaney
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I don't know if there's a strategy really so much as, like I learned doing standup and had to learn fast, you always just try to give your favorite, strongest stuff as early as possible and you start with what you like the most.
John Mulaney
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A lot of comedy clubs are set up with people sitting at little tables and you have everything from the way they are seated to them ordering or taking a sip of a drink, these can make a comedian go harder and faster in a club.
John Mulaney
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You all have a relative who is an expert even though they really don't know what they're talking about.
John Mulaney
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The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.
John Mulaney
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I always wanted it to be multi-cam from the beginning. In the first seeds of the idea, I wanted a live audience, multi-cam show. That was very important for me.
John Mulaney
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I also had Elliot Gould and Martin Short and Nasim Pedrad - let alone Zack Pearlman who is going to be a huge star, as is Seaton Smith - out there and I love writing for them and just sitting back and watching them be excellent. And when you are sitting across from Elliott Gould sharing a scene it just raises your game.
John Mulaney
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I remember writing standup jokes without having done sets. But as soon as I did my first set, it didn't matter. Everything I thought would work didn't work. And everything I was iffy on was funny.
John Mulaney
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I'm a very straightforward person. But that's fine for a comedian. Because a lot of times you're talking about everyone else.
John Mulaney
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I've always believed that you often need less. You don't need to hear why people are friends, you don't need to hear why people are roommates, you don't need to hear why someone would help a friend to do something.
John Mulaney
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Being president looks like the worst job in the world.
John Mulaney
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I definitely look like a toddler. I feel comfortable and I have a lot of fun out there [John Mulaney Show]. And if I were to be extremely egotistical, I'd say I got a tiny bit better.
John Mulaney
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I've done festivals in the past where I'd be a guest, it was like, Wow, maybe someday I could play Town Hall - but that'll be a long way off. So it's very exciting.
John Mulaney
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Everyone's very relaxed about brand names in television.
John Mulaney
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Ill book a ticket on some garbage airline. I dont wanna name an actual airline so lets make one up, lets just call it like Delta Airlines
John Mulaney
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I plan to join the 'SNL' band as a maraca player and stand behind saxophonist Lenny Pickett. That way they will at least cut to me before commercial breaks. I'll be sure to look right into camera.
John Mulaney
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I wish I could go tell 12-year-old me like I don't worry that you just fainted in front of all the girls, one day you'll be able to make this into an episode of TV.
John Mulaney