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The officers of the branch of the Force (the Obscene Publications Squad) have a discouraging club tie, on which a book is depicted being cut in half by a larger pair of scissors.

John Mortimer

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John Mortimer
Age: 85 †
Born: 1923
Born: April 21
Died: 2009
Died: January 16
Barrister
Novelist
Poet Lawyer
Screenwriter
Writer
Hampstead Village
Sir John Clifford Mortimer
Sir John Mortimer
John Clifford Mortimer
Ties
Discouraging
Larger
Publication
Clubs
Branch
Cutting
Pair
Depicted
Half
Officers
Publications
Force
Pairs
Scissors
Book
Club
Squad
Branches
Obscene

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I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth foregoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward.
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No brilliance is needed in the law. Nothing but common sense, and relatively clean finger nails.
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All the flower children were as alike as a congress of accountants and about as interesting.
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My father, to whom I owe so much, never told me the difference between right and wrong now I think that's why I remain so greatly in his debt.
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Marriage is like pleading guilty to an indefinite sentence. Without parole.
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I suppose that writers should, in a way, feel flattered by the censorship laws. They show a primitive fear and dread at the fearful magic of print.
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There is always time for failure
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There's more of yourself in a book than a play. that's why we know all about Dickens and not much about Shakespeare. Ben Jonson murdered people Marlowe was a spy Shakespeare just sat in the corner and took notes.
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I don't think you ever feel a success really because everything could always be done better than you've done it.
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I found criminal clients easy and matrimonial clients hard. Matrimonial clients hate each other so much and use their children to hurt each other in beastly ways. Murderers have usually killed the one person in the world that was bugging them and they're usually quite peaceful and agreeable.
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Dying is a matter of slapstick and pratfalls. The ageing process is not gradual or gentle. It rushes up, pushes you over and runs off laughing. No one should grow old who isn't ready to appear ridiculous.
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I suppose true sexual equality will come when a general called Anthea is found having an unwise lunch with a young, unreliable model from Spain.
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A war against terrorism is an impracticable conception if it means fighting terrorism with terrorism.
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To escape jury duty in England, wear a bowler hat and carry a copy of the Daily telegraph.
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Like childhood, old age is irresponsible, reckless, and foolhardy. Children and old people have everything to gain and nothing much to lose. It's middle-age which is cursed by the desperate need to cling to some finger-hold halfway up the mountain, to conform, not to cause trouble, to behave well.
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Hell must be a place where you are only allowed to read what you agree with.
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Check-ups are, in my experience, a grave mistake all they do is allow the quack of your choice to tell you that you have some sort of complaint that you were far happier not knowing about.
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What obsesses a writer starting out on a lifetime's work is the panic-stricken search for a voice of his own.
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The point at which beliefs meet may be more significant, more useful to contemplate, than their sources.
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