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The officers of the branch of the Force (the Obscene Publications Squad) have a discouraging club tie, on which a book is depicted being cut in half by a larger pair of scissors.

John Mortimer

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John Mortimer
Age: 85 †
Born: 1923
Born: April 21
Died: 2009
Died: January 16
Barrister
Novelist
Poet Lawyer
Screenwriter
Writer
Hampstead Village
Sir John Clifford Mortimer
Sir John Mortimer
John Clifford Mortimer
Book
Club
Squad
Branches
Obscene
Ties
Discouraging
Larger
Publication
Clubs
Branch
Cutting
Pair
Depicted
Half
Officers
Publications
Force
Pairs
Scissors

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I knew nothing about farce until I read Puce a l'Oreille, and had no idea what a deadly serious business it is.
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Never believe a rumour until you hear it officially denied.
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Check-ups are, in my experience, a grave mistake all they do is allow the quack of your choice to tell you that you have some sort of complaint that you were far happier not knowing about.
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The only rule I have found to have any validity in writing is not to bore yourself.
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I found criminal clients easy and matrimonial clients hard. Matrimonial clients hate each other so much and use their children to hurt each other in beastly ways. Murderers have usually killed the one person in the world that was bugging them and they're usually quite peaceful and agreeable.
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It is desperately important to remember when enough is enough, when you've finished the scene.
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Like childhood, old age is irresponsible, reckless, and foolhardy. Children and old people have everything to gain and nothing much to lose. It's middle-age which is cursed by the desperate need to cling to some finger-hold halfway up the mountain, to conform, not to cause trouble, to behave well.
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We may not be the creme de la creme, but we are the creme de la scum.
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Success is good for the character.
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I had inherited what my father called the art of the advocate, or the irritating habit of looking for the flaw in any argument.
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All the flower children were as alike as a congress of accountants and about as interesting.
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People will go to endless trouble to divorce one person and then marry someone who is exactly the same, except probably a bit poorer and a bit nastier. I don't think anybody learns anything.
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To escape jury duty in England, wear a bowler hat and carry a copy of the Daily telegraph.
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I suppose true sexual equality will come when a general called Anthea is found having an unwise lunch with a young, unreliable model from Spain.
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I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth foregoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward.
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I don't think you ever feel a success really because everything could always be done better than you've done it.
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No brilliance is needed in the law. Nothing but common sense, and relatively clean finger nails.
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Dying is a matter of slapstick and pratfalls. The ageing process is not gradual or gentle. It rushes up, pushes you over and runs off laughing. No one should grow old who isn't ready to appear ridiculous.
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Marriage is like pleading guilty to an indefinite sentence. Without parole.
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The point at which beliefs meet may be more significant, more useful to contemplate, than their sources.
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