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Hell must be a place where you are only allowed to read what you agree with.

John Mortimer

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John Mortimer
Age: 85 †
Born: 1923
Born: April 21
Died: 2009
Died: January 16
Barrister
Novelist
Poet Lawyer
Screenwriter
Writer
Hampstead Village
Sir John Clifford Mortimer
Sir John Mortimer
John Clifford Mortimer
Must
Allowed
Agree
Hell
Read
Place

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The only rule I have found to have any validity in writing is not to bore yourself.
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The people look forbidding, solemn, marked by that impossible ideal, Communism, which, like Christianity, seemed to demand too much of humanity and, falling into the wrong hands, led too easily to horrible brutality.
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Marriage is like pleading guilty to an indefinite sentence. Without parole.
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A war against terrorism is an impracticable conception if it means fighting terrorism with terrorism.
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All the flower children were as alike as a congress of accountants and about as interesting.
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Never believe a rumour until you hear it officially denied.
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To escape jury duty in England, wear a bowler hat and carry a copy of the Daily telegraph.
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It is desperately important to remember when enough is enough, when you've finished the scene.
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Check-ups are, in my experience, a grave mistake all they do is allow the quack of your choice to tell you that you have some sort of complaint that you were far happier not knowing about.
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I had inherited what my father called the art of the advocate, or the irritating habit of looking for the flaw in any argument.
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Success is good for the character.
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There's more of yourself in a book than a play. that's why we know all about Dickens and not much about Shakespeare. Ben Jonson murdered people Marlowe was a spy Shakespeare just sat in the corner and took notes.
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People will go to endless trouble to divorce one person and then marry someone who is exactly the same, except probably a bit poorer and a bit nastier. I don't think anybody learns anything.
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There is always time for failure
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I don't think you ever feel a success really because everything could always be done better than you've done it.
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The officers of the branch of the Force (the Obscene Publications Squad) have a discouraging club tie, on which a book is depicted being cut in half by a larger pair of scissors.
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I suppose true sexual equality will come when a general called Anthea is found having an unwise lunch with a young, unreliable model from Spain.
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When... I told my father I wanted to be a writer, he had asked me to consider my unfortunate wife, who would have me about the house all day 'wearing a dressing gown, brewing tea and stumped for words'.
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I found criminal clients easy and matrimonial clients hard. Matrimonial clients hate each other so much and use their children to hurt each other in beastly ways. Murderers have usually killed the one person in the world that was bugging them and they're usually quite peaceful and agreeable.
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I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth foregoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward.
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