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Hell must be a place where you are only allowed to read what you agree with.

John Mortimer

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John Mortimer
Age: 85 †
Born: 1923
Born: April 21
Died: 2009
Died: January 16
Barrister
Novelist
Poet Lawyer
Screenwriter
Writer
Hampstead Village
Sir John Clifford Mortimer
Sir John Mortimer
John Clifford Mortimer
Allowed
Agree
Hell
Read
Place
Must

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All the flower children were as alike as a congress of accountants and about as interesting.
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Check-ups are, in my experience, a grave mistake all they do is allow the quack of your choice to tell you that you have some sort of complaint that you were far happier not knowing about.
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Success is good for the character.
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I don't think you ever feel a success really because everything could always be done better than you've done it.
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What obsesses a writer starting out on a lifetime's work is the panic-stricken search for a voice of his own.
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A war against terrorism is an impracticable conception if it means fighting terrorism with terrorism.
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The point at which beliefs meet may be more significant, more useful to contemplate, than their sources.
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Like childhood, old age is irresponsible, reckless, and foolhardy. Children and old people have everything to gain and nothing much to lose. It's middle-age which is cursed by the desperate need to cling to some finger-hold halfway up the mountain, to conform, not to cause trouble, to behave well.
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I knew nothing about farce until I read Puce a l'Oreille, and had no idea what a deadly serious business it is.
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I suppose true sexual equality will come when a general called Anthea is found having an unwise lunch with a young, unreliable model from Spain.
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Dying is a matter of slapstick and pratfalls. The ageing process is not gradual or gentle. It rushes up, pushes you over and runs off laughing. No one should grow old who isn't ready to appear ridiculous.
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I suppose that writers should, in a way, feel flattered by the censorship laws. They show a primitive fear and dread at the fearful magic of print.
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It is desperately important to remember when enough is enough, when you've finished the scene.
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To escape jury duty in England, wear a bowler hat and carry a copy of the Daily telegraph.
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We may not be the creme de la creme, but we are the creme de la scum.
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No brilliance is needed in the law. Nothing but common sense, and relatively clean finger nails.
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Marriage is like pleading guilty to an indefinite sentence. Without parole.
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There is always time for failure
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The officers of the branch of the Force (the Obscene Publications Squad) have a discouraging club tie, on which a book is depicted being cut in half by a larger pair of scissors.
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I found criminal clients easy and matrimonial clients hard. Matrimonial clients hate each other so much and use their children to hurt each other in beastly ways. Murderers have usually killed the one person in the world that was bugging them and they're usually quite peaceful and agreeable.
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