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Hell must be a place where you are only allowed to read what you agree with.

John Mortimer

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John Mortimer
Age: 85 †
Born: 1923
Born: April 21
Died: 2009
Died: January 16
Barrister
Novelist
Poet Lawyer
Screenwriter
Writer
Hampstead Village
Sir John Clifford Mortimer
Sir John Mortimer
John Clifford Mortimer
Read
Place
Must
Allowed
Agree
Hell

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Marriage is like pleading guilty to an indefinite sentence. Without parole.
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It is desperately important to remember when enough is enough, when you've finished the scene.
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All the flower children were as alike as a congress of accountants and about as interesting.
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The people look forbidding, solemn, marked by that impossible ideal, Communism, which, like Christianity, seemed to demand too much of humanity and, falling into the wrong hands, led too easily to horrible brutality.
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I suppose that writers should, in a way, feel flattered by the censorship laws. They show a primitive fear and dread at the fearful magic of print.
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Dying is a matter of slapstick and pratfalls. The ageing process is not gradual or gentle. It rushes up, pushes you over and runs off laughing. No one should grow old who isn't ready to appear ridiculous.
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The officers of the branch of the Force (the Obscene Publications Squad) have a discouraging club tie, on which a book is depicted being cut in half by a larger pair of scissors.
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My father, to whom I owe so much, never told me the difference between right and wrong now I think that's why I remain so greatly in his debt.
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I knew nothing about farce until I read Puce a l'Oreille, and had no idea what a deadly serious business it is.
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There is always time for failure
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A war against terrorism is an impracticable conception if it means fighting terrorism with terrorism.
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What obsesses a writer starting out on a lifetime's work is the panic-stricken search for a voice of his own.
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We may not be the creme de la creme, but we are the creme de la scum.
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The point at which beliefs meet may be more significant, more useful to contemplate, than their sources.
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Never believe a rumour until you hear it officially denied.
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No brilliance is needed in the law. Nothing but common sense, and relatively clean finger nails.
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I had inherited what my father called the art of the advocate, or the irritating habit of looking for the flaw in any argument.
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Farce is tragedy played at a thousand revolutions per minute.
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The only rule I have found to have any validity in writing is not to bore yourself.
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Success is good for the character.
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