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I suppose true sexual equality will come when a general called Anthea is found having an unwise lunch with a young, unreliable model from Spain.

John Mortimer

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John Mortimer
Age: 85 †
Born: 1923
Born: April 21
Died: 2009
Died: January 16
Barrister
Novelist
Poet Lawyer
Screenwriter
Writer
Hampstead Village
Sir John Clifford Mortimer
Sir John Mortimer
John Clifford Mortimer
Come
Model
Suppose
Models
Unwise
General
Unreliable
Called
Spain
Found
Lunch
True
Sexual
Young
Equality

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A war against terrorism is an impracticable conception if it means fighting terrorism with terrorism.
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I found criminal clients easy and matrimonial clients hard. Matrimonial clients hate each other so much and use their children to hurt each other in beastly ways. Murderers have usually killed the one person in the world that was bugging them and they're usually quite peaceful and agreeable.
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The only rule I have found to have any validity in writing is not to bore yourself.
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I suppose that writers should, in a way, feel flattered by the censorship laws. They show a primitive fear and dread at the fearful magic of print.
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Like childhood, old age is irresponsible, reckless, and foolhardy. Children and old people have everything to gain and nothing much to lose. It's middle-age which is cursed by the desperate need to cling to some finger-hold halfway up the mountain, to conform, not to cause trouble, to behave well.
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Farce is tragedy played at a thousand revolutions per minute.
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I had inherited what my father called the art of the advocate, or the irritating habit of looking for the flaw in any argument.
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Marriage is like pleading guilty to an indefinite sentence. Without parole.
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To escape jury duty in England, wear a bowler hat and carry a copy of the Daily telegraph.
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The officers of the branch of the Force (the Obscene Publications Squad) have a discouraging club tie, on which a book is depicted being cut in half by a larger pair of scissors.
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It is desperately important to remember when enough is enough, when you've finished the scene.
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We may not be the creme de la creme, but we are the creme de la scum.
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All the flower children were as alike as a congress of accountants and about as interesting.
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The point at which beliefs meet may be more significant, more useful to contemplate, than their sources.
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There is always time for failure
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Hell must be a place where you are only allowed to read what you agree with.
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Dying is a matter of slapstick and pratfalls. The ageing process is not gradual or gentle. It rushes up, pushes you over and runs off laughing. No one should grow old who isn't ready to appear ridiculous.
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I don't think you ever feel a success really because everything could always be done better than you've done it.
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I knew nothing about farce until I read Puce a l'Oreille, and had no idea what a deadly serious business it is.
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