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Dying is a matter of slapstick and pratfalls. The ageing process is not gradual or gentle. It rushes up, pushes you over and runs off laughing. No one should grow old who isn't ready to appear ridiculous.

John Mortimer

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John Mortimer
Age: 85 †
Born: 1923
Born: April 21
Died: 2009
Died: January 16
Barrister
Novelist
Poet Lawyer
Screenwriter
Writer
Hampstead Village
Sir John Clifford Mortimer
Sir John Mortimer
John Clifford Mortimer
Grow
Pushes
Ready
Gradual
Grows
Runs
Process
Gentle
Running
Appear
Matter
Ridiculous
Slapstick
Dying
Rushes
Laughing
Ageing

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What obsesses a writer starting out on a lifetime's work is the panic-stricken search for a voice of his own.
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My father, to whom I owe so much, never told me the difference between right and wrong now I think that's why I remain so greatly in his debt.
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All the flower children were as alike as a congress of accountants and about as interesting.
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Hell must be a place where you are only allowed to read what you agree with.
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There's more of yourself in a book than a play. that's why we know all about Dickens and not much about Shakespeare. Ben Jonson murdered people Marlowe was a spy Shakespeare just sat in the corner and took notes.
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I found criminal clients easy and matrimonial clients hard. Matrimonial clients hate each other so much and use their children to hurt each other in beastly ways. Murderers have usually killed the one person in the world that was bugging them and they're usually quite peaceful and agreeable.
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Marriage is like pleading guilty to an indefinite sentence. Without parole.
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A war against terrorism is an impracticable conception if it means fighting terrorism with terrorism.
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The point at which beliefs meet may be more significant, more useful to contemplate, than their sources.
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I suppose true sexual equality will come when a general called Anthea is found having an unwise lunch with a young, unreliable model from Spain.
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I knew nothing about farce until I read Puce a l'Oreille, and had no idea what a deadly serious business it is.
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The only rule I have found to have any validity in writing is not to bore yourself.
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It is desperately important to remember when enough is enough, when you've finished the scene.
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When... I told my father I wanted to be a writer, he had asked me to consider my unfortunate wife, who would have me about the house all day 'wearing a dressing gown, brewing tea and stumped for words'.
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People will go to endless trouble to divorce one person and then marry someone who is exactly the same, except probably a bit poorer and a bit nastier. I don't think anybody learns anything.
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I had inherited what my father called the art of the advocate, or the irritating habit of looking for the flaw in any argument.
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Like childhood, old age is irresponsible, reckless, and foolhardy. Children and old people have everything to gain and nothing much to lose. It's middle-age which is cursed by the desperate need to cling to some finger-hold halfway up the mountain, to conform, not to cause trouble, to behave well.
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To escape jury duty in England, wear a bowler hat and carry a copy of the Daily telegraph.
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Check-ups are, in my experience, a grave mistake all they do is allow the quack of your choice to tell you that you have some sort of complaint that you were far happier not knowing about.
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