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Dying is a matter of slapstick and pratfalls. The ageing process is not gradual or gentle. It rushes up, pushes you over and runs off laughing. No one should grow old who isn't ready to appear ridiculous.

John Mortimer

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John Mortimer
Age: 85 †
Born: 1923
Born: April 21
Died: 2009
Died: January 16
Barrister
Novelist
Poet Lawyer
Screenwriter
Writer
Hampstead Village
Sir John Clifford Mortimer
Sir John Mortimer
John Clifford Mortimer
Matter
Ridiculous
Slapstick
Dying
Rushes
Laughing
Ageing
Grow
Pushes
Ready
Gradual
Grows
Runs
Process
Gentle
Running
Appear

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Marriage is like pleading guilty to an indefinite sentence. Without parole.
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I found criminal clients easy and matrimonial clients hard. Matrimonial clients hate each other so much and use their children to hurt each other in beastly ways. Murderers have usually killed the one person in the world that was bugging them and they're usually quite peaceful and agreeable.
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Check-ups are, in my experience, a grave mistake all they do is allow the quack of your choice to tell you that you have some sort of complaint that you were far happier not knowing about.
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Like childhood, old age is irresponsible, reckless, and foolhardy. Children and old people have everything to gain and nothing much to lose. It's middle-age which is cursed by the desperate need to cling to some finger-hold halfway up the mountain, to conform, not to cause trouble, to behave well.
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The point at which beliefs meet may be more significant, more useful to contemplate, than their sources.
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No brilliance is needed in the law. Nothing but common sense, and relatively clean finger nails.
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When... I told my father I wanted to be a writer, he had asked me to consider my unfortunate wife, who would have me about the house all day 'wearing a dressing gown, brewing tea and stumped for words'.
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My father, to whom I owe so much, never told me the difference between right and wrong now I think that's why I remain so greatly in his debt.
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Hell must be a place where you are only allowed to read what you agree with.
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A war against terrorism is an impracticable conception if it means fighting terrorism with terrorism.
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All the flower children were as alike as a congress of accountants and about as interesting.
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The only rule I have found to have any validity in writing is not to bore yourself.
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I had inherited what my father called the art of the advocate, or the irritating habit of looking for the flaw in any argument.
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I suppose true sexual equality will come when a general called Anthea is found having an unwise lunch with a young, unreliable model from Spain.
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It is desperately important to remember when enough is enough, when you've finished the scene.
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Success is good for the character.
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To escape jury duty in England, wear a bowler hat and carry a copy of the Daily telegraph.
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Farce is tragedy played at a thousand revolutions per minute.
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There's more of yourself in a book than a play. that's why we know all about Dickens and not much about Shakespeare. Ben Jonson murdered people Marlowe was a spy Shakespeare just sat in the corner and took notes.
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