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To escape jury duty in England, wear a bowler hat and carry a copy of the Daily telegraph.

John Mortimer

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John Mortimer
Age: 85 †
Born: 1923
Born: April 21
Died: 2009
Died: January 16
Barrister
Novelist
Poet Lawyer
Screenwriter
Writer
Hampstead Village
Sir John Clifford Mortimer
Sir John Mortimer
John Clifford Mortimer
Hats
Escape
Daily
Bowler
Carry
Bowlers
Wear
Telegraph
England
Jury
Duty
Copy
Hate
Copies

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I found criminal clients easy and matrimonial clients hard. Matrimonial clients hate each other so much and use their children to hurt each other in beastly ways. Murderers have usually killed the one person in the world that was bugging them and they're usually quite peaceful and agreeable.
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The people look forbidding, solemn, marked by that impossible ideal, Communism, which, like Christianity, seemed to demand too much of humanity and, falling into the wrong hands, led too easily to horrible brutality.
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I don't think you ever feel a success really because everything could always be done better than you've done it.
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It is desperately important to remember when enough is enough, when you've finished the scene.
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Success is good for the character.
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Never believe a rumour until you hear it officially denied.
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My father, to whom I owe so much, never told me the difference between right and wrong now I think that's why I remain so greatly in his debt.
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A war against terrorism is an impracticable conception if it means fighting terrorism with terrorism.
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Like childhood, old age is irresponsible, reckless, and foolhardy. Children and old people have everything to gain and nothing much to lose. It's middle-age which is cursed by the desperate need to cling to some finger-hold halfway up the mountain, to conform, not to cause trouble, to behave well.
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I suppose that writers should, in a way, feel flattered by the censorship laws. They show a primitive fear and dread at the fearful magic of print.
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Hell must be a place where you are only allowed to read what you agree with.
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Check-ups are, in my experience, a grave mistake all they do is allow the quack of your choice to tell you that you have some sort of complaint that you were far happier not knowing about.
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All the flower children were as alike as a congress of accountants and about as interesting.
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I knew nothing about farce until I read Puce a l'Oreille, and had no idea what a deadly serious business it is.
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I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth foregoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward.
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Marriage is like pleading guilty to an indefinite sentence. Without parole.
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The point at which beliefs meet may be more significant, more useful to contemplate, than their sources.
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I had inherited what my father called the art of the advocate, or the irritating habit of looking for the flaw in any argument.
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People will go to endless trouble to divorce one person and then marry someone who is exactly the same, except probably a bit poorer and a bit nastier. I don't think anybody learns anything.
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We may not be the creme de la creme, but we are the creme de la scum.
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