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To escape jury duty in England, wear a bowler hat and carry a copy of the Daily telegraph.

John Mortimer

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John Mortimer
Age: 85 †
Born: 1923
Born: April 21
Died: 2009
Died: January 16
Barrister
Novelist
Poet Lawyer
Screenwriter
Writer
Hampstead Village
Sir John Clifford Mortimer
Sir John Mortimer
John Clifford Mortimer
Hate
Copies
Hats
Escape
Daily
Bowler
Carry
Bowlers
Wear
Telegraph
England
Jury
Duty
Copy

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My father, to whom I owe so much, never told me the difference between right and wrong now I think that's why I remain so greatly in his debt.
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I had inherited what my father called the art of the advocate, or the irritating habit of looking for the flaw in any argument.
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Success is good for the character.
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Farce is tragedy played at a thousand revolutions per minute.
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The officers of the branch of the Force (the Obscene Publications Squad) have a discouraging club tie, on which a book is depicted being cut in half by a larger pair of scissors.
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I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth foregoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward.
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The only rule I have found to have any validity in writing is not to bore yourself.
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Dying is a matter of slapstick and pratfalls. The ageing process is not gradual or gentle. It rushes up, pushes you over and runs off laughing. No one should grow old who isn't ready to appear ridiculous.
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I suppose that writers should, in a way, feel flattered by the censorship laws. They show a primitive fear and dread at the fearful magic of print.
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All the flower children were as alike as a congress of accountants and about as interesting.
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A war against terrorism is an impracticable conception if it means fighting terrorism with terrorism.
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I don't think you ever feel a success really because everything could always be done better than you've done it.
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Marriage is like pleading guilty to an indefinite sentence. Without parole.
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People will go to endless trouble to divorce one person and then marry someone who is exactly the same, except probably a bit poorer and a bit nastier. I don't think anybody learns anything.
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There's more of yourself in a book than a play. that's why we know all about Dickens and not much about Shakespeare. Ben Jonson murdered people Marlowe was a spy Shakespeare just sat in the corner and took notes.
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What obsesses a writer starting out on a lifetime's work is the panic-stricken search for a voice of his own.
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The point at which beliefs meet may be more significant, more useful to contemplate, than their sources.
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We may not be the creme de la creme, but we are the creme de la scum.
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Hell must be a place where you are only allowed to read what you agree with.
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There is always time for failure
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