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In a good relationship, people get angry, but in a very different way. The Marriage Masters see a problem a bit like a soccer ball. They kick it around. It's 'our' problem.

John M. Gottman

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John M. Gottman
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More quotes by John M. Gottman

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Bid for connection: Each of our daily interactions with another person.
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The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse predict an ailing marriage: Criticism, Defensiveness, Stonewalling and Contempt. The worst of these is contempt.
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You don't have to be interesting. You have to be interested.
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In order to get to a healthier and more productive place, we need to give up our fear of conflict, turmoil and resistance.
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I believe we're going to find that respect and affection are essential to all relationships working and contempt destroys them.
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When a couple gets to the last stage, one or both partners may have an affair. But an affair is usually a symptom of a dying marriage, not the cause. The end of that marriage could have been predicted long before either spouse strayed.
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Gay and lesbian relationships operate on essentially the same principles as heterosexual relationships
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Thus, the critical dimension in understanding whether a marriage will work or not, becomes the extent to which the male can accept the influence of the woman he loves and become socialized in emotional communication.
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