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John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald meet in hell and team up to assassinate Satan.

John Hodgman

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John Hodgman
Age: 53
Born: 1971
Born: June 3
Author
Comedian
Film Actor
Podcaster
Presenter
Television Actor
Writer
Brookline
Massachusetts
John Kellogg Hodgman
Assassinate
Booth
Harvey
Satan
John
Meet
Hell
Wilkes
Team
Oswald

More quotes by John Hodgman

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Americans don't need a metaphor for war. We have war. If anything, we use war as a metaphor for sports.
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For a long time, I would write without music, because I thought it was distracting until I appreciated that it actually unlocks a certain unconscious productivity vault in my mind.
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I'm not sure if that answers the question and I have absolutely no problem with any major world religion on Earth.
John Hodgman
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Hosting a TV show is a full-time job in which success is defined by it never ending.
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I say, if you're going to eat a creature alive, you have to expect some screaming. That is the carnivore's burden.
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I naturally own a lot of very old magazines. And I enjoy going to old magazines because the advertisements in those magazines tended to have thousands of words of copy in them.
John Hodgman
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Why certain political classes want purposefully to keep Americans in a state of perpetual debt and uncertainty and why certain people don't want a middle class - because middle class creates a certain happiness. You know what I mean?
John Hodgman
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People who run for president seriously and people who become president enter a bizarre secret society in which they have had an experience that none of us will ever have.
John Hodgman
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I am someone who values knowledge, actual knowledge. I also value stories and fiction a whole lot, and that's where the fake knowledge comes in.
John Hodgman
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I don't wish to brag, but I'm very intelligent.
John Hodgman
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I have learned that newborn infants roll their eyes around and move their heads and their arms in short jerky spasms. And if you homeschool them, they will stay this way forever.
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I have no skills. I mean, I can make jokes, I'm pretty good at talking to people on the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I can figure out what makes a pretty good story, and I can make eggs really well.
John Hodgman
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Life may be miraculous in its unlikelihood in the universe, but it would be a fallacy to suggest that its rareness makes it inextinguishable.
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More people have more access to more readers for less money than ever before in history. It means a lot of dross but it means a lot of very talented people can find and nurture a readership in ways that were not possible twenty years ago. From a creative perspective, that is all that writing is about.
John Hodgman
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I actually own a copy of my own book that's how dedicated I am as an author.
John Hodgman
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Only the nerds will save the earth.
John Hodgman
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The villain of any story is often the most compelling character.
John Hodgman
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I'm not a particularly religious person, but that feeling of getting transmissions from someplace else, even if it's from your own consciousness, is very, very real. To me, at least.
John Hodgman
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My type of humor is me not caring whether people know what I'm talking about or not.
John Hodgman
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Houdini, the magician who debunked magic, could not bear to see the great rationalist [Arthur Conan] Doyle enchanted by ghosts and frauds. And so he did what any friend would: He set out to prove spiritualism false and rob his friend Doyle of the only comforting fiction that was keeping him sane. It was the least he could do.
John Hodgman