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John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald meet in hell and team up to assassinate Satan.

John Hodgman

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John Hodgman
Age: 53
Born: 1971
Born: June 3
Author
Comedian
Film Actor
Podcaster
Presenter
Television Actor
Writer
Brookline
Massachusetts
John Kellogg Hodgman
Hell
Wilkes
Team
Oswald
Assassinate
Booth
Harvey
Satan
John
Meet

More quotes by John Hodgman

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I've made my evolutionary purpose and had children. I don't care if anybody likes me, I'm going to do what I want to do. I'm going to do a whole comedy show about swimming in the loathsomely cold waters of Maine.
John Hodgman
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I think for the foreseeable future, the truth is going to be awful and funny all at the same time.
John Hodgman
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So much of creativity is the feeling that you're either getting a gift from some other dimension or some other part of yourself.
John Hodgman
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Americans don't need a metaphor for war. We have war. If anything, we use war as a metaphor for sports.
John Hodgman
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Houdini, the magician who debunked magic, could not bear to see the great rationalist [Arthur Conan] Doyle enchanted by ghosts and frauds. And so he did what any friend would: He set out to prove spiritualism false and rob his friend Doyle of the only comforting fiction that was keeping him sane. It was the least he could do.
John Hodgman
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I have no skills. I mean, I can make jokes, I'm pretty good at talking to people on the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I can figure out what makes a pretty good story, and I can make eggs really well.
John Hodgman
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I would say aside from Moxie soda bottles and Masonic artifacts, there's nothing I really collect.
John Hodgman
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As a freelance writer, I'd be asked to become an expert for various magazines on any subject, whether food or wine or history or the life span of veterinarians. I was completely unschooled in any of these things.
John Hodgman
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I am not a villain.I'm an only-child narcissist monster, but I wish no ill, nor do I wish for world domination what a hassle that would be!
John Hodgman
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The reality is that if you want to be in a reality-based community, you've got to respect reality and that means calling it bad when you see the past ahead and it doesn't look good and acknowledging when it's going to work.
John Hodgman
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I know nothing about letting go.
John Hodgman
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Unfortunately for humanity, I've gotten into the habit of providing my own closing music for shows by singing a song and playing the ukulele.
John Hodgman
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I would be good for maybe not the center square but an upper square on 'Hollywood Squares.'
John Hodgman
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This is one of the defining sorrows of books: that we cannot see one another.
John Hodgman
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Just a small-scale cult of personality, maybe raise a geodetic dome out in western Massachusetts and make people wear jumpsuits and give all their possessions to me.
John Hodgman
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It's not a secret family like I have a beautiful, gorgeous wife in Tokyo I have another mom and dad. I'm the kid and I have another mom and dad in Atwater Village, Los Angeles.
John Hodgman
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Truth may be stranger than fiction, goes the old saw, but it is never as strange as lies.
John Hodgman
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I am someone who values knowledge, actual knowledge. I also value stories and fiction a whole lot, and that's where the fake knowledge comes in.
John Hodgman
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When you think about it, the end of the world is a little bit like death: We all know it's going to come eventually, and as we get older, we feel we see the signs more and more distinctly.
John Hodgman
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Everyone wants to write a book. Very few people are able to do it.
John Hodgman