Quote

I know electric knives are excellent for carving turkeys that have had their bones removed and been forced into a mold to shape them. Please note that those turkeys are called hams.

John Hodgman

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John Hodgman
Age: 53
Born: 1971
Born: June 3
Author
Comedian
Film Actor
Podcaster
Presenter
Television Actor
Writer
Brookline
Massachusetts
John Kellogg Hodgman
Called
Note
Hams
Forced
Carving
Excellent
Ham
Bones
Turkeys
Shape
Mold
Notes
Removed
Shapes
Knives
Please
Electric

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When you think about it, the end of the world is a little bit like death: We all know it's going to come eventually, and as we get older, we feel we see the signs more and more distinctly.
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My type of humor is me not caring whether people know what I'm talking about or not.
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People who run for president seriously and people who become president enter a bizarre secret society in which they have had an experience that none of us will ever have.
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We have all been empowered by the web: everyone with a keyboard can now effectively broadcast to a national audience. In a sense, it puts each of us on the same footing as the major media conglomerates, except for AOL, who now apparently own all our thoughts and teeth.
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Everyone feels like they would love to be a really cool bartender in a really cool bar, but you're still surrounded by people who want to destroy themselves with alcohol. When you look at it that way, it's not that much fun.
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Elwyn Brooks White was a very Maine personality which is, I hate everyone and everyone stay away from me.
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I would be good for maybe not the center square but an upper square on 'Hollywood Squares.'
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I have no skills. I mean, I can make jokes, I'm pretty good at talking to people on the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I can figure out what makes a pretty good story, and I can make eggs really well.
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I've made my evolutionary purpose and had children. I don't care if anybody likes me, I'm going to do what I want to do. I'm going to do a whole comedy show about swimming in the loathsomely cold waters of Maine.
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What I've discovered more recently is copies of books that I didn't represent, but that my boss represented when I assisted her on the dollar pile. I won't mention any names, but it is this profoundly bittersweet time of realizing, Oh, I had a wonderful time working on this book and now it is a dollar relic on the side of the road.
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I am someone who values knowledge, actual knowledge. I also value stories and fiction a whole lot, and that's where the fake knowledge comes in.
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A literary agent is nothing but a cheap salesman (or woman) while a writer is a cheap salesman (or woman) who also has to actually write the books.
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A lot of my time is spent reading antique or out-of-print books of reference.
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I suspect that when the truth ceases to be heartbreakingly funny, we will be in a better place and a happier society over all.
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