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This squirrel is inadequately afraid of humans! Squirrel, I am a threat to you! We are enemies! Please get off my bench! Oh, god! Oh, god! Don't touch me—oh, god!
John Green
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John Green
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: August 24
Author
Businessperson
Critic
Editor
Film Producer
Journalist
Literary Critic
Novelist
Podcaster
Singer
Indianapolis
Indiana
John Michael Green
Enemy
Squirrels
Humans
Bench
Benches
Enemies
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Touch
Afraid
Inadequately
Please
Squirrel
More quotes by John Green
We idealize them as gods or dismiss them as animals.
John Green
Dear Jane, Just so you know: e. e. cummings cheated on both of his wives. With prostitutes. Yours, Will Grayson
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Is the labyrinth living or dying?
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I came to the conclusion a while ago that there is nothing romantic or supernatural about loving someone: Love is the privilege of being responsible for another. It was, for a time, what kept me going: Each morning, for a little while, I got to feel the weight of the yoke on my back as I pulled the ancient cart of my species.
John Green
That didn’t happen, of course. Things never happened the way I imagined them.
John Green
Half-drunk on well-creamed gas station coffee and the exhilarating loneliness of a freeway in nighttime.
John Green
It doesn’t matter how long we’ve used something all that matters is how awesome the thing replacing it is. MP3s and automobiles happen to be really, really awesome, whereas ebooks—at least so far—are fairly limited in their awesomeness.
John Green
My head was level with hers as we stared at each other from opposite sides of the glass. I don't remember how it ended - if I went to bed or she did. In my memory, it doesn't end. We just stay there, looking at each other, forever.
John Green
By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!
John Green
Colin had always preferred baths one of his general policies in life was never to do anything standing up that could just as easily be done lying down
John Green
Boys do not have the monopoly in Staring Business, after all.
John Green
I just want the pleasure of noticing these things at a safe distance.
John Green
But I could always tell in her eyes if she got really pissed at me, and her eyes were still pretty smiley
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I told Augustus the broad outline of my miracle: diagnosed with Stage IV thyroid cancer when I was thirteen. (I didn’t tell him that the diagnosis came three months after I got my first period. Like: Congratulations! You’re a woman. Now die.)
John Green
I think forever is an incorrect concept, I answered. He smirked. You're an incorrect concept. I know. That's why I'm being taken out of the rotation.
John Green
If I could just stay alive for a week, I’d know the unwritten secrets of Anna’s mom and the Dutch Tulip Guy.
John Green
Ben Starling, you better not have bought your token black friend a racist shirt
John Green
Because you're only thinking they-might-not-like-me-they-might-not-like-me, and guess what? When you act like that, no one likes you.
John Green
We had to forgive to survive the labyrinth
John Green
He missed that, too, and it hadn't even happened.
John Green