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This squirrel is inadequately afraid of humans! Squirrel, I am a threat to you! We are enemies! Please get off my bench! Oh, god! Oh, god! Don't touch me—oh, god!
John Green
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John Green
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: August 24
Author
Businessperson
Critic
Editor
Film Producer
Journalist
Literary Critic
Novelist
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Indianapolis
Indiana
John Michael Green
Benches
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Inadequately
Afraid
Squirrel
Please
Squirrels
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Humans
Bench
More quotes by John Green
The easiest way to solve a mystery is to decide that there is no mystery to solve.
John Green
And I agreed, but still, she owed us an explanation. If she was up there, down there, out there, somewhere, maybe she would laugh.
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Those of us who frequent the band room have long suspected that Becca maintains her lovely figure by eating nothing but the souls of kittens and the dreams of impoverished children.
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I make a gesture that is intended to convey, Hey, no hurry, talk as long as you'd like, and probably actually conveys, Hey, look at me! I have spastic hands.
John Green
I'm so proud of you that it makes me proud of me. I hope you know that.
John Green
All the characters are made out of words. With reading, I understand that the people aren't real but the fact that they are made out of language and are made out of words is extremely powerful to me. It becomes transformative for me. Different people have different ways of trying to make stories using language.
John Green
I'll just go over to the Duke's, I said. Her parents already told me I could stay there. I'll go over there and open all my presents, and talk about how my parents neglect me, and then maybe the Duke will give me some of her presents because she feels so bad about how my mom doesn't love me.
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I do my precalc homework, and then when I'm done I actually sit with the textbook for like three hours and try to understand what I just did. That's the kind of weekend it is--the kind where you have so much time you go past the answers and start looking into the ideas.
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Ultimately what I like about reading together is that we all make it happen together. Of course even amid shared experience we’re still alone… each reading of each book is unique. But what a comfort it is to share readings and experiences. How lucky we are when we get to be alone together.
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You are fairly smart, I said after a while. You are fairly good at compliments, he answered.
John Green
The pleasure isn't in doing the thing, the pleasure is in planning it.
John Green
The world is not a wish-granting factory.
John Green
We gotta do something about this frigging swing set,' he said. 'I'm telling you, it's ninety percent of the problem.
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That's always seemed so ridiculous to me, that people want to be around someone because they're pretty. It's like picking your breakfeast cereals based on color instead of taste.
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We need never be hopeless because we can never be irreperably broken.
John Green
It's hard to get movie studios to pay a lot of money for movies that don't have robots or explosions.
John Green
She left me enough to rediscover the Great Perhaps.
John Green
Here's to all the places we went. And all the places we'll go. And here's to me, whispering again and again and again and again: iloveyou
John Green
Congratulations! You're a woman. Now die.
John Green
I feel like my life is so scattered right now. Like it's all the small pieces of paper and someone's turned on the fan. But, talking to you makes me feel like the fan's been turned off for a little bit. Like things could actually make sense. You completely unscatter me, and I appreciate that so much.
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