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When people quote sketches to me, half the time I don't know what they're talking about so I have to sort of go, aha, yes, oh yep, I remember that and lie my way out of it.

John Cleese

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John Cleese
Age: 85
Born: 1939
Born: October 27
Actor
Autobiographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Weston-super-Mare
Somerset
John Marwood Cleese
Half
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More quotes by John Cleese

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Aping urbanity, Oozing with vanity, Plump as a manatee, Faking humanity, Intellectual inanity, Journalistic calamity, Fox Noise insanity, You're a profanity, Hannity.
John Cleese
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Everything in comedy's got to be exactly right, which is why making a comedic film is kind of a difficult process, because, for most of the two years of shooting it and editing it and reshooting and all of that, it's not quite right. And it's only when you just at the end, you put the final polish on it, it becomes really funny again.
John Cleese
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When we hold a World Championship for a particular sport, we invite teams from other countries to play as well.
John Cleese
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God was treated like this powerful, erratic, rather punitive father who has to be pacified and praised. You know, flattered.
John Cleese
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If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?
John Cleese
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I think the problem with people like this is that they are so stupid that they have no idea how stupid they are.
John Cleese
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I could take an umbrella and balance it on my chin or on my foot. And I just got interested in that kind of thing. And as I played games more and more and got stronger physically, I just became more coordinated.
John Cleese
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I'm very odd 'cause I think there's more than just a materialist planet, a materialist, reductionist planet.
John Cleese
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I wish you wusses would stop whining about your unhappiness. I'm really fed up with it. Pour yourself a scotch and pull yourself together. Go out and shoot something!
John Cleese
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Laughter is the best creative medicine.
John Cleese
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England is a fairly envious little country and it's embodied in the press. They don't like anyone being more distinguished than they are.
John Cleese
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If you wish to kill yourself but lack the courage to, I think a visit to Palmerston North will do the trick.
John Cleese
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I think you can write very good comedy without a partner, but what I love about it, working with a partner, is that you get to places you'd never get on your own. It's like when God was designing the world and decided we couldn't have children without a partner it was a way of mixing up the genes so you'd get a more interesting product.
John Cleese
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I'm not sure what's going on in Britain. I don't know what's going on in London. Because London is no longer an English city, and that's how they got the Olympics. I mean, they said, We're the most cosmopolitan city on Earth, but it doesn't feel English.
John Cleese
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If I like chocolate it won't surprise you that I have a few chocolates in my fridge, but if you find out I've got 16 warehouses full of chocolate, you'd think I was insane. All these rich guys are insane, obsessive compulsive twits obsessed with money - money is all they think about - they're all nuts.
John Cleese
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The sad thing about true stupidity is that you can do absolutely nothing about it.
John Cleese
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Telling people how to be creative is easy - being creative is difficult.
John Cleese
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Come to me. I want to plow you like a Calgary driveway at Christmas.
John Cleese
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Laughter destroys any divisions between people.
John Cleese
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You have to create boundaries of space and then you have to create boundaries of time.
John Cleese