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When people quote sketches to me, half the time I don't know what they're talking about so I have to sort of go, aha, yes, oh yep, I remember that and lie my way out of it.

John Cleese

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John Cleese
Age: 85
Born: 1939
Born: October 27
Actor
Autobiographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Weston-super-Mare
Somerset
John Marwood Cleese
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Sketches

More quotes by John Cleese

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Either people walk round dressed as chickens or they listen to Beethoven.
John Cleese
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My hovercraft is full of eels.
John Cleese
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When I was in school, I was beaten every 30 minutes. It never did me any harm except for some psychological mal-adjustments and blurred vision.
John Cleese
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Sense of humor is so much more subjective than anyone believes.
John Cleese
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No hope for planet at all. But I will be gone before the planet is gone, so it's your problem.
John Cleese
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The World is insane. With tiny spots of sanity, here and there... Not the other way around!
John Cleese
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If I can get you to laugh with me, you like me better, which makes you more open to my ideas. And if I can persuade you to laugh at the particular point I make, by laughing at it you acknowledge its truth.
John Cleese
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I learned a lot of things about literature talking to people at the publishing company. Did you know that about 90 percent of celebrity autobiographies are ghostwritten?
John Cleese
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The main evolutionary significance of humor is that it gets us from the closed mode to the open mode quicker than anything else.
John Cleese
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When the target audience is American teenage kids, you can have problems. My generation prized really fine acting and writing. Sometimes you have to go back to the basic principles which underpin great visual comedy.
John Cleese
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The British fans are liable to suddenly be talking to you about something that you don't know how you got into the conversation. I think it's something to do with the fact that they've been watching you for so many years sort of you telling your story.
John Cleese
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The Americans are just more enthusiastic and more likely to engage in hyperbole.
John Cleese
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If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?
John Cleese
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It's a plastic surgeon you need, not a doctor
John Cleese
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I think that the real religion is about the understanding that if we can only still our egos for a few seconds, we might have a chance of experiencing something that is divine in nature.
John Cleese
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God was treated like this powerful, erratic, rather punitive father who has to be pacified and praised. You know, flattered.
John Cleese
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Students who laugh more- learn more. Students who laugh more earn more.
John Cleese
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I was a terrible dancer. I dance like an Englishman.
John Cleese
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You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him enter regional distribution codes in data field 97 to facilitate regression analysis on the back end.
John Cleese
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It’s only on the brink that people find the will to change. Only at the precipice do we evolve.
John Cleese