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I was a terrible dancer. I dance like an Englishman.

John Cleese

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John Cleese
Age: 84
Born: 1939
Born: October 27
Actor
Autobiographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Weston-super-Mare
Somerset
John Marwood Cleese
Englishman
Englishmen
Dancer
Dance
Terrible
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I'm always meeting new people, and my list of friends seems to change quite a bit.
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Bureaucrats shouldn't be in charge of comedy.
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I get bored easily. I've been bored most of my life.
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Aping urbanity, Oozing with vanity, Plump as a manatee, Faking humanity, Intellectual inanity, Journalistic calamity, Fox Noise insanity, You're a profanity, Hannity.
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The one thing I remember about Christmas was that my father used to take me out in a boat about ten miles offshore on Christmas Day, and I used to have to swim back. Extraordinary. It was a ritual. Mind you, that wasn't the hard part. The difficult bit was getting out of the sack.
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Students who laugh more- learn more. Students who laugh more earn more.
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I wish you wusses would stop whining about your unhappiness. I'm really fed up with it. Pour yourself a scotch and pull yourself together. Go out and shoot something!
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Creativity is not an ability that you either have or do not have. It is, for example, and this may surprise you, absolutely unrelated to IQ, provided you're intelligent above a certain minimal level.
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I'm not sure what's going on in Britain. I don't know what's going on in London. Because London is no longer an English city, and that's how they got the Olympics. I mean, they said, We're the most cosmopolitan city on Earth, but it doesn't feel English.
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Muslims, who have a completely different value system, come to the West, then they should accept that there are certain basic values in the West intrinsic to our culture. Just as I wouldn't suggest that any Westerner walk down the streets of Saudi Arabia in a bikini.
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If I can get you to laugh with me, you like me better, which makes you open to my ideas
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If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?
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Come to me. I want to plow you like a Calgary driveway at Christmas.
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What is absurd is not the teachings of the founders of religion, it's what followers subsequently make of it.
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A satisfied customer. We should have him stuffed.
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If you want creative workers, give them enough time to play.
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Now most people do not want an ordinary life in which they do a job well, earn the respect of their collaborators and competitors, bring up a family and have friends. That's not enough any more, and I think that is absolutely tragic - and I'm not exaggerating - that people feel like a decent, ordinary, fun life is no longer enough.
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I learned a lot of things about literature talking to people at the publishing company. Did you know that about 90 percent of celebrity autobiographies are ghostwritten?
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I'm very odd 'cause I think there's more than just a materialist planet, a materialist, reductionist planet.
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Creativity is not a talent. It is a way of operating.
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