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There's nothing good on the television let's burn a witch. It must have been terribly exciting to live in those times.

John Cleese

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John Cleese
Age: 85
Born: 1939
Born: October 27
Actor
Autobiographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Weston-super-Mare
Somerset
John Marwood Cleese
Must
Terribly
Good
Witch
Burn
Exciting
Television
Times
Live
Nothing

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Life is a terminal disease, and it is sexually transmitted.
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Creativity is not an ability that you either have or do not have. It is, for example, and this may surprise you, absolutely unrelated to IQ, provided you're intelligent above a certain minimal level.
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We all die at the end, but does that nullify everything? Would most people rather say, I wish I hadn't been born? Once you're born you'll have to die, now is that funny or sad?
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God was treated like this powerful, erratic, rather punitive father who has to be pacified and praised. You know, flattered.
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Political correctness is a bit like a granny, a maiden aunt arriving at a party when everyone's having a good time. And she comes in, they all start sort of buttoning up and becoming self-conscious and behaving properly and then when she leaves, you can have fun again.
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You have to create boundaries of space and then you have to create boundaries of time.
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The Americans are so much more positive. They are much more in love with success. In Britain, they're a fairly envious bunch, and they love it if you fail.
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If you wish to kill yourself but lack the courage to, I think a visit to Palmerston North will do the trick.
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Laughter is the best creative medicine.
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I think that money spoils most things, once it becomes the primary motivating force.
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The most creative people have this childlike facility to play.
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I think that the real religion is about the understanding that if we can only still our egos for a few seconds, we might have a chance of experiencing something that is divine in nature.
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Michael Palin decided to give up on his considerable comedy talents to make those dreadfully tedious travel shows. Have you ever tried to watch one?
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I think it's because in America you always get the sense that if you fail, you can just pack up your things and go somewhere else and try again. But in England, it's so geographically small that if somebody succeeds here, it reduces your chances of succeeding.
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Who's ever going to write a film in which I get the girl? Me!
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I was a terrible dancer. I dance like an Englishman.
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The Americans are just more enthusiastic and more likely to engage in hyperbole.
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I'm struck by how laughter connects you with people. It's almost impossible to maintain any kind of distance or any sense of social hierarchy when you're just howling with laughter. Laughter is a force for democracy.
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I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.
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I think the problem with people like this is that they are so stupid that they have no idea how stupid they are.
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