Quote

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him enter regional distribution codes in data field 97 to facilitate regression analysis on the back end.

John Cleese

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John Cleese
Age: 85
Born: 1939
Born: October 27
Actor
Autobiographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Weston-super-Mare
Somerset
John Marwood Cleese
Horse
Regional
Fields
Facilitate
Lead
Distribution
Water
Enter
Ends
Analysis
Back
Code
Make
Data
Regression
Field
Codes

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I'm very odd 'cause I think there's more than just a materialist planet, a materialist, reductionist planet.
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I think the problem with people like this is that they are so stupid that they have no idea how stupid they are.
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My hovercraft is full of eels.
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I think it's because in America you always get the sense that if you fail, you can just pack up your things and go somewhere else and try again. But in England, it's so geographically small that if somebody succeeds here, it reduces your chances of succeeding.
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I think it takes a long time, as you get older, to realize just how crazy the world is, just how ridiculous it all is.
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Telling people how to be creative is easy - being creative is difficult.
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Muslims, who have a completely different value system, come to the West, then they should accept that there are certain basic values in the West intrinsic to our culture. Just as I wouldn't suggest that any Westerner walk down the streets of Saudi Arabia in a bikini.
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I could take an umbrella and balance it on my chin or on my foot. And I just got interested in that kind of thing. And as I played games more and more and got stronger physically, I just became more coordinated.
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There are 3 basic differences between we British and you Americans. One, we speak English, and you don't. Two, when we have a World Championship, we invite teams from other nations. Three, when you meet the British head of State, you only have to get down on one knee.
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By watching the great, old comedians I picked up a few tricks about how to do physical comedy. And whenever I could learn something, I sort of added that to my repertoire.
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You have to create boundaries of space and then you have to create boundaries of time.
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Although I had good hand-eye coordination, I was so tall and skinny and muscularly weak that I just was not well coordinated. But what I started to do quite early on was watch some of the great old silent comedians, like Laurel and Hardy and Chaplin, and then later on Harold Lloyd and Buster Keaton.
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When you're being stalked by an angry mob with raspberries, the first thing to do is to release a tiger.
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We need to be in the open mode when we are pondering a problem, but, once we come up with a solution, we must then switch to the closed mode to implement it.
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If I can get you to laugh with me, you like me better, which makes you more open to my ideas. And if I can persuade you to laugh at the particular point I make, by laughing at it you acknowledge its truth.
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I tend to have an odd split in my mind: I tend to look at it as a writer and when the writing thing is OK and I'm happy with it, then I put on my actor's hat.
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I was a terrible dancer. I dance like an Englishman.
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The sad thing about true stupidity is that you can do absolutely nothing about it.
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Comedy always works best when it is mean-spirited.
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There's nothing good on the television let's burn a witch. It must have been terribly exciting to live in those times.
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