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No hope for planet at all. But I will be gone before the planet is gone, so it's your problem.

John Cleese

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John Cleese
Age: 85
Born: 1939
Born: October 27
Actor
Autobiographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Weston-super-Mare
Somerset
John Marwood Cleese
Gone
Hope
Problem
Planet
Planets

More quotes by John Cleese

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If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?
John Cleese
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If I like chocolate it won't surprise you that I have a few chocolates in my fridge, but if you find out I've got 16 warehouses full of chocolate, you'd think I was insane. All these rich guys are insane, obsessive compulsive twits obsessed with money - money is all they think about - they're all nuts.
John Cleese
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I think that the real religion is about the understanding that if we can only still our egos for a few seconds, we might have a chance of experiencing something that is divine in nature.
John Cleese
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I'm struck by how laughter connects you with people. It's almost impossible to maintain any kind of distance or any sense of social hierarchy when you're just howling with laughter. Laughter is a force for democracy.
John Cleese
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The main evolutionary significance of humor is that it gets us from the closed mode to the open mode quicker than anything else.
John Cleese
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The one thing I remember about Christmas was that my father used to take me out in a boat about ten miles offshore on Christmas Day, and I used to have to swim back. Extraordinary. It was a ritual. Mind you, that wasn't the hard part. The difficult bit was getting out of the sack.
John Cleese
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I learned a lot of things about literature talking to people at the publishing company. Did you know that about 90 percent of celebrity autobiographies are ghostwritten?
John Cleese
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If you wish to kill yourself but lack the courage to, I think a visit to Palmerston North will do the trick.
John Cleese
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I have several times made a poor choice by avoiding a necessary confrontation.
John Cleese
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Aping urbanity, Oozing with vanity, Plump as a manatee, Faking humanity, Intellectual inanity, Journalistic calamity, Fox Noise insanity, You're a profanity, Hannity.
John Cleese
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When you do comedy in front of an audience, they are the ones who tell you whether it's funny or not and which bits are funny and which bits need to be fixed.
John Cleese
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Life is a terminal disease, and it is sexually transmitted.
John Cleese
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The sad thing about true stupidity is that you can do absolutely nothing about it.
John Cleese
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Students who laugh more- learn more. Students who laugh more earn more.
John Cleese
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If you are leaping a ravine, the moment of takeoff is a bad time for considering alternative strategies... Do it in the 'closed' mode. But the moment the action is over, try to return to the 'open' mode... because in that mode we are the most aware, most receptive, most creative, and therefore at our most intelligent.
John Cleese
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Comedy always works best when it is mean-spirited.
John Cleese
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The British fans are liable to suddenly be talking to you about something that you don't know how you got into the conversation. I think it's something to do with the fact that they've been watching you for so many years sort of you telling your story.
John Cleese
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Some actors, I think, want to feel that they are as creative as the writer. And the answer is, frankly, they're not.
John Cleese
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God was treated like this powerful, erratic, rather punitive father who has to be pacified and praised. You know, flattered.
John Cleese
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If I can get you to laugh with me, you like me better, which makes you open to my ideas
John Cleese