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Loving your neighbour as much as yourself is practically bloody impossible? You might as well have a commandment that states,'Thou shalt fly'.

John Cleese

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John Cleese
Age: 85
Born: 1939
Born: October 27
Actor
Autobiographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Weston-super-Mare
Somerset
John Marwood Cleese
Might
Practically
Well
Commandments
Much
Bloody
Thou
Loving
Impossible
Commandment
States
Shalt
Wells
Neighbour

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Although I had good hand-eye coordination, I was so tall and skinny and muscularly weak that I just was not well coordinated. But what I started to do quite early on was watch some of the great old silent comedians, like Laurel and Hardy and Chaplin, and then later on Harold Lloyd and Buster Keaton.
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If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?
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I think it's because in America you always get the sense that if you fail, you can just pack up your things and go somewhere else and try again. But in England, it's so geographically small that if somebody succeeds here, it reduces your chances of succeeding.
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Telling people how to be creative is easy - being creative is difficult.
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I was always a sports nut but I've lost interest now in whether one bunch of mercenaries in north London is going to beat another bunch of mercenaries from west London.
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You have to create boundaries of space and then you have to create boundaries of time.
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God was treated like this powerful, erratic, rather punitive father who has to be pacified and praised. You know, flattered.
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The thrill I got discovering Buster Keaton when I was growing up was so exciting. He was one of the greats.
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I think that the real religion is about the understanding that if we can only still our egos for a few seconds, we might have a chance of experiencing something that is divine in nature.
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A satisfied customer. We should have him stuffed.
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Don't let anyone tell you what you ought to like... Some wines that some experts think are absolutely exquisite don't appeal to me at all.
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If I can get you to laugh with me, you like me better, which makes you more open to my ideas. And if I can persuade you to laugh at the particular point I make, by laughing at it you acknowledge its truth.
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My hovercraft is full of eels.
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Who's ever going to write a film in which I get the girl? Me!
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It’s only on the brink that people find the will to change. Only at the precipice do we evolve.
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Comedy always works best when it is mean-spirited.
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Bureaucrats shouldn't be in charge of comedy.
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What's the bleedin' point?
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My mum died about three years ago at the age of 101, and just towards the end, as she began to run out of energy, she did actually stop trying to tell me what to do most of the time.
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