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When you're being stalked by an angry mob with raspberries, the first thing to do is to release a tiger.

John Cleese

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John Cleese
Age: 85
Born: 1939
Born: October 27
Actor
Autobiographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Weston-super-Mare
Somerset
John Marwood Cleese
Advice
Firsts
First
Stalked
Thing
Raspberries
Tiger
Tigers
Release
Angry

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When I was in school, I was beaten every 30 minutes. It never did me any harm except for some psychological mal-adjustments and blurred vision.
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The one thing I remember about Christmas was that my father used to take me out in a boat about ten miles offshore on Christmas Day, and I used to have to swim back. Extraordinary. It was a ritual. Mind you, that wasn't the hard part. The difficult bit was getting out of the sack.
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God was treated like this powerful, erratic, rather punitive father who has to be pacified and praised. You know, flattered.
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If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?
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Basil Fawlty was an easy character for me. For some reason, portraying a mean, uptight, incompetent bully comes naturally to me.
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If you wish to kill yourself but lack the courage to, I think a visit to Palmerston North will do the trick.
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years ago we would have been burned for this. Now what I am suggesting is that we've advanced.
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Most of the bad taste I've been accused of has been generic bad taste it's been making fun of an idea as opposed to a person.
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My views are heretical to people who believe in political correctness.
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Oh, I could spend my life having this conversation - look - please try to understand before one of us dies
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Telling people how to be creative is easy - being creative is difficult.
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The most creative people have learned to tolerate the slight discomfort of indecision for much longer and so, just because they put in more pondering time, their solutions are more creative.
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My hovercraft is full of eels.
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What's the bleedin' point?
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Sense of humor is so much more subjective than anyone believes.
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I think there are so many activities going on, like mountaineering. You know, you would pay good money not to have to do that, and yet there are people racing out who want to spend their spare time clambering up rocks.
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The Americans are so much more positive. They are much more in love with success. In Britain, they're a fairly envious bunch, and they love it if you fail.
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When you've been doing comedy for forty years, you really do know most of the jokes. And even if you don't know a specific joke, you can pretty much guess what it's going to be.
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I think it takes a long time, as you get older, to realize just how crazy the world is, just how ridiculous it all is.
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