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My hovercraft is full of eels.

John Cleese

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John Cleese
Age: 85
Born: 1939
Born: October 27
Actor
Autobiographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Weston-super-Mare
Somerset
John Marwood Cleese
Eels
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You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him enter regional distribution codes in data field 97 to facilitate regression analysis on the back end.
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Either people walk round dressed as chickens or they listen to Beethoven.
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I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.
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I could take an umbrella and balance it on my chin or on my foot. And I just got interested in that kind of thing. And as I played games more and more and got stronger physically, I just became more coordinated.
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I think it's because in America you always get the sense that if you fail, you can just pack up your things and go somewhere else and try again. But in England, it's so geographically small that if somebody succeeds here, it reduces your chances of succeeding.
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Sci-fi has never really been my bag. But I do believe in a lot of weird things these days, such as synchronicity. Quantum physics suggests it's possible, so why not?
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What is absurd is not the teachings of the founders of religion, it's what followers subsequently make of it.
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Who's ever going to write a film in which I get the girl? Me!
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A satisfied customer. We should have him stuffed.
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I think the problem with people like this is that they are so stupid that they have no idea how stupid they are.
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If I like chocolate it won't surprise you that I have a few chocolates in my fridge, but if you find out I've got 16 warehouses full of chocolate, you'd think I was insane. All these rich guys are insane, obsessive compulsive twits obsessed with money - money is all they think about - they're all nuts.
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I'm very odd 'cause I think there's more than just a materialist planet, a materialist, reductionist planet.
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I'm struck by how laughter connects you with people. It's almost impossible to maintain any kind of distance or any sense of social hierarchy when you're just howling with laughter. Laughter is a force for democracy.
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I was always a sports nut but I've lost interest now in whether one bunch of mercenaries in north London is going to beat another bunch of mercenaries from west London.
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Telling people how to be creative is easy - being creative is difficult.
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It's a plastic surgeon you need, not a doctor
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No hope for planet at all. But I will be gone before the planet is gone, so it's your problem.
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If I can get you to laugh with me, you like me better, which makes you open to my ideas
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My views are heretical to people who believe in political correctness.
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I have a tendency sometimes to get too logical with what I'm writing, just because I want it to be kind of perfect.
John Cleese