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If you wish to kill yourself but lack the courage to, I think a visit to Palmerston North will do the trick.

John Cleese

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John Cleese
Age: 85
Born: 1939
Born: October 27
Actor
Autobiographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Weston-super-Mare
Somerset
John Marwood Cleese
Tricks
Lack
Kill
Courage
Wish
Think
Visit
Thinking
Trick
North

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I'm always meeting new people, and my list of friends seems to change quite a bit.
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If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?
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Loving your neighbour as much as yourself is practically bloody impossible? You might as well have a commandment that states,'Thou shalt fly'.
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Sci-fi has never really been my bag. But I do believe in a lot of weird things these days, such as synchronicity. Quantum physics suggests it's possible, so why not?
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England is a fairly envious little country and it's embodied in the press. They don't like anyone being more distinguished than they are.
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We need to be in the open mode when we are pondering a problem, but, once we come up with a solution, we must then switch to the closed mode to implement it.
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This is the extraordinary thing about creativity: If just you keep your mind resting against the subject in a friendly but persistent way, sooner or later you will get a reward from your unconscious.
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I'm not sure what's going on in Britain. I don't know what's going on in London. Because London is no longer an English city, and that's how they got the Olympics. I mean, they said, We're the most cosmopolitan city on Earth, but it doesn't feel English.
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I can never do better than 'Fawlty Towers,' whatever I do. Now I very much want to teach young talent some rules of the game.
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The one thing I remember about Christmas was that my father used to take me out in a boat about ten miles offshore on Christmas Day, and I used to have to swim back. Extraordinary. It was a ritual. Mind you, that wasn't the hard part. The difficult bit was getting out of the sack.
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Laughter destroys any divisions between people.
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Come to me. I want to plow you like a Calgary driveway at Christmas.
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I have a tendency sometimes to get too logical with what I'm writing, just because I want it to be kind of perfect.
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Because, as we all know, it’s easier to do trivial things that are urgent than it is to do important things that are not urgent, like thinking. And it’s also easier to do little things we know we can do than to start on big things that we’re not so sure about.
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Although I had good hand-eye coordination, I was so tall and skinny and muscularly weak that I just was not well coordinated. But what I started to do quite early on was watch some of the great old silent comedians, like Laurel and Hardy and Chaplin, and then later on Harold Lloyd and Buster Keaton.
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Your Mother was A Hamster and you Father Smelled of elder berries.
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I would like to do my own eulogy, and then shoot myself and then get in the coffin.
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Who's ever going to write a film in which I get the girl? Me!
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Either people walk round dressed as chickens or they listen to Beethoven.
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Sense of humor is so much more subjective than anyone believes.
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