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Come to me. I want to plow you like a Calgary driveway at Christmas.

John Cleese

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John Cleese
Age: 85
Born: 1939
Born: October 27
Actor
Autobiographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Weston-super-Mare
Somerset
John Marwood Cleese
Calgary
Plow
Driveway
Christmas
Come
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More quotes by John Cleese

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If you wish to kill yourself but lack the courage to, I think a visit to Palmerston North will do the trick.
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A satisfied customer. We should have him stuffed.
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We all die at the end, but does that nullify everything? Would most people rather say, I wish I hadn't been born? Once you're born you'll have to die, now is that funny or sad?
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I could take an umbrella and balance it on my chin or on my foot. And I just got interested in that kind of thing. And as I played games more and more and got stronger physically, I just became more coordinated.
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Muslims, who have a completely different value system, come to the West, then they should accept that there are certain basic values in the West intrinsic to our culture. Just as I wouldn't suggest that any Westerner walk down the streets of Saudi Arabia in a bikini.
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Bureaucrats shouldn't be in charge of comedy.
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As Daniel Levitin writes, our brain is a giant pattern detector. If we read something that coincides with what we already believe we're more likely to give it credence, while the opposite is not true.
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What's the bleedin' point?
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If I can get you to laugh with me, you like me better, which makes you more open to my ideas. And if I can persuade you to laugh at the particular point I make, by laughing at it you acknowledge its truth.
John Cleese
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I was a terrible dancer. I dance like an Englishman.
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My views are heretical to people who believe in political correctness.
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England is a fairly envious little country and it's embodied in the press. They don't like anyone being more distinguished than they are.
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If you really don't know where to start or if you're stuck, start generating random connections and allow your intuition to tell you if one might lead somewhere interesting.
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The thrill I got discovering Buster Keaton when I was growing up was so exciting. He was one of the greats.
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I would like to do my own eulogy, and then shoot myself and then get in the coffin.
John Cleese
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I get bored easily. I've been bored most of my life.
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I think that the real religion is about the understanding that if we can only still our egos for a few seconds, we might have a chance of experiencing something that is divine in nature.
John Cleese
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Your Mother was A Hamster and you Father Smelled of elder berries.
John Cleese
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I have a tendency sometimes to get too logical with what I'm writing, just because I want it to be kind of perfect.
John Cleese
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My hovercraft is full of eels.
John Cleese