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Life is a terminal disease, and it is sexually transmitted.

John Cleese

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John Cleese
Age: 85
Born: 1939
Born: October 27
Actor
Autobiographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Weston-super-Mare
Somerset
John Marwood Cleese
Sexually
Disease
Life
Transmitted
Terminal

More quotes by John Cleese

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If I like chocolate it won't surprise you that I have a few chocolates in my fridge, but if you find out I've got 16 warehouses full of chocolate, you'd think I was insane. All these rich guys are insane, obsessive compulsive twits obsessed with money - money is all they think about - they're all nuts.
John Cleese
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I would like to do my own eulogy, and then shoot myself and then get in the coffin.
John Cleese
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My mum died about three years ago at the age of 101, and just towards the end, as she began to run out of energy, she did actually stop trying to tell me what to do most of the time.
John Cleese
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You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him enter regional distribution codes in data field 97 to facilitate regression analysis on the back end.
John Cleese
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England is a fairly envious little country and it's embodied in the press. They don't like anyone being more distinguished than they are.
John Cleese
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A satisfied customer. We should have him stuffed.
John Cleese
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What is absurd is not the teachings of the founders of religion, it's what followers subsequently make of it.
John Cleese
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I think the problem with people like this is that they are so stupid that they have no idea how stupid they are.
John Cleese
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The Americans are so much more positive. They are much more in love with success. In Britain, they're a fairly envious bunch, and they love it if you fail.
John Cleese
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The main evolutionary significance of humor is that it gets us from the closed mode to the open mode quicker than anything else.
John Cleese
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Ask yourself, When does this decision have to be taken? and having answered it, defer the decision until then, in order to give yourself maximum pondering time.
John Cleese
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I was a terrible dancer. I dance like an Englishman.
John Cleese
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Laughter is the best creative medicine.
John Cleese
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I want to write a book which is the history of comedy.
John Cleese
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The thrill I got discovering Buster Keaton when I was growing up was so exciting. He was one of the greats.
John Cleese
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I have several times made a poor choice by avoiding a necessary confrontation.
John Cleese
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Filming takes a lot out of you. It really does. It's immensely demanding, and you have to put the rest of your life in the icebox until you do your final shot.
John Cleese
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Who's ever going to write a film in which I get the girl? Me!
John Cleese
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If you are leaping a ravine, the moment of takeoff is a bad time for considering alternative strategies... Do it in the 'closed' mode. But the moment the action is over, try to return to the 'open' mode... because in that mode we are the most aware, most receptive, most creative, and therefore at our most intelligent.
John Cleese
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Michael Palin decided to give up on his considerable comedy talents to make those dreadfully tedious travel shows. Have you ever tried to watch one?
John Cleese