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Life is a terminal disease, and it is sexually transmitted.

John Cleese

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John Cleese
Age: 85
Born: 1939
Born: October 27
Actor
Autobiographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Weston-super-Mare
Somerset
John Marwood Cleese
Transmitted
Terminal
Sexually
Disease
Life

More quotes by John Cleese

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I think we're all born with a sense of humor. Creativity is another thing though.
John Cleese
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When people quote sketches to me, half the time I don't know what they're talking about so I have to sort of go, aha, yes, oh yep, I remember that and lie my way out of it.
John Cleese
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If you wish to kill yourself but lack the courage to, I think a visit to Palmerston North will do the trick.
John Cleese
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My mum died about three years ago at the age of 101, and just towards the end, as she began to run out of energy, she did actually stop trying to tell me what to do most of the time.
John Cleese
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There's nothing good on the television let's burn a witch. It must have been terribly exciting to live in those times.
John Cleese
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Basil Fawlty was an easy character for me. For some reason, portraying a mean, uptight, incompetent bully comes naturally to me.
John Cleese
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You have to create boundaries of space and then you have to create boundaries of time.
John Cleese
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Michael Palin decided to give up on his considerable comedy talents to make those dreadfully tedious travel shows. Have you ever tried to watch one?
John Cleese
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years ago we would have been burned for this. Now what I am suggesting is that we've advanced.
John Cleese
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Most of the bad taste I've been accused of has been generic bad taste it's been making fun of an idea as opposed to a person.
John Cleese
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Loving your neighbour as much as yourself is practically bloody impossible? You might as well have a commandment that states,'Thou shalt fly'.
John Cleese
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Ask yourself, When does this decision have to be taken? and having answered it, defer the decision until then, in order to give yourself maximum pondering time.
John Cleese
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There are 3 basic differences between we British and you Americans. One, we speak English, and you don't. Two, when we have a World Championship, we invite teams from other nations. Three, when you meet the British head of State, you only have to get down on one knee.
John Cleese
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I wish you wusses would stop whining about your unhappiness. I'm really fed up with it. Pour yourself a scotch and pull yourself together. Go out and shoot something!
John Cleese
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Everything in comedy's got to be exactly right, which is why making a comedic film is kind of a difficult process, because, for most of the two years of shooting it and editing it and reshooting and all of that, it's not quite right. And it's only when you just at the end, you put the final polish on it, it becomes really funny again.
John Cleese
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Aping urbanity, Oozing with vanity, Plump as a manatee, Faking humanity, Intellectual inanity, Journalistic calamity, Fox Noise insanity, You're a profanity, Hannity.
John Cleese
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The World is insane. With tiny spots of sanity, here and there... Not the other way around!
John Cleese
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Either people walk round dressed as chickens or they listen to Beethoven.
John Cleese
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The Americans all love 'The Holy Grail', and the English all love 'Life Of Brian', and I'm afraid on this one, I side with the English.
John Cleese
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It’s only on the brink that people find the will to change. Only at the precipice do we evolve.
John Cleese