Never contradict. Never explain. Never apologize. (Those are the secrets of a happy life!)

All political parties die at last of swallowing their own lies.

I believe the calculation of the quantity of probability might be improved to a very useful and pleasant speculation, and applied to a great many events which are accidental, besides those of games only these cases would be infinitely more confused, as depending on chances which the most part of men are ignorant of.

Law is a Bottomless-Pit, it is a Cormorant, a Harpy, that devours every thing.

It is impossible for a Die, with such determined force and direction which makes it fall on such a determined side, only I don't know the force and direction which makes it fall on such a determin'd side, and therefore I call that Chance, which is nothing, but want of Art.

O truth divine! enlightened by thy ray, I grope and guess no more, but see my way.

What I have said may serve to recommend mathematics for acquiring a vigorous constitution of mind for which purpose they are as useful as exercise is for procuring health and strength to the body.

He that sows his grain upon marble will have many a hungry belly before his harvest.

He warns the heads of parties against believing their own lies.

The Mathematics are Friends to Religion inasmuch as they charm the Passions, restrain the Impetuosity of Imagination, and purge the Mind from Error and Prejudice.

All the politics in the world are nothing else but a kind of analysis of the quantity of probability in casual events, and a good politician signifies no more but one who is dexterous at such calculations.

The first Care in building of Cities, is to make them airy and well perflated infectious Distempers must necessarily be propagated amongst Mankind living close together.

The dumpling is indeed of more ancient institution, and of foreign origin but alas, what were those dumplings? Nothing but a few lentils sodden together, moisten'd and cemented with a little seeth'd fat.

Mathematical studies may serve for a pleasant entertainment for those hours which young men are apt to throw away upon their vices.

The dumpling-eaters are a race sprung partly from the old Epicurean and partly from the Peripatetic Sect they were first brought into Britain by Julius Caesar and finding it a Land of Plenty, they wisely resolved never to go home again.

Law is a bottomless pit.